hello I am new and in a bad place**trigger**

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by popzim, Sep 15, 2008.

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  1. popzim

    popzim New Member

    I found your site tonight and just wanted to say hello.
    I have bi-polar or thats what i am told.Whatever i have got i am in such a bad place at the moment. I dont usually write on forums or go onto chats I find it so embarrassing even though i cant be seen or identified but I am scared an feeling very isolated tonight and I am really sorry if I shouldn't be doing this but I just need to feel i am with someone who just for once has a hint of what is going on and I am afraid this place drew the short straw

    Its time to say goodbye except I can’t because I can’t tell anybody what I am about to do or they will try and stop me. If I was dying of a terminal illness I would be given that opportunity but because no one sees what goes on in my head or has any sense of my pain I have to die alone and in secret. I know it can’t be any other way but I do feel bitter about it
    I’m sorry that I am not a stronger person and I can’t get on top of my feelings but if I had been stronger maybe they would never of surfaced in the first place

    I hang around trying to sort my life out desperately hoping i can work out the solution and get a grip of myself thinking that maybe somebody will be able to help me or whip up some magical mystery happiness potion.
    I seem to of been trying for so long now yet deep down in the bottom of my heart and stomach I know I can’t achieve these things I haven’t got the strength. Life is death with hassle and i just dont need hassle no more i am too tired

    please forgive my rant
  2. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    heya sweetie. dont worry bout having an illness, many people here have it, even some that aint aware of it. are you on medication? are you having therapy to help you come to terms with your diagnosis? if not, it is highly recommened, the majority of poeple who have therapy [including me] will say that when they are struggling, that it helps them to talk about it, or even just sit there and listen to them babble on! [trust me i do that the majority of the time!]

    thats good that you have recognised that people will try and stop you if you tell them. this shows that there is people that care about you, and will show concern for you as they just want the best for you, being alive.
    can you talk to a close relative or frined, even just stay with someone for a night or two, and just see how it goes.

    we all have our weaknesses, but im hoping you will find the inner strength to keep on fighting, taking it day by day.

    we all wish for this hunny, and if there was do you think there would be any war, famine or poverty in the world today? we are only human, and we suffer from human emotions, unfortunetly, the majoirty on here, have had their emotions toyed with, by being hurt, or having an illness, by other humans.

    i give you all the best luck, and hope you stick around. i would like to get you better, to find out more about you, and see if i can help in any areas, although im not the best person to speak to, when im having a good day i can help - well hopefully!

    Take care
    PM me anytime
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF. I am glad you found us. I wish it were under better circumstances though. I am sure you will be able to find the support you need. take care and stay safe. :hug:
  4. popzim

    popzim New Member

    I was on quetiapine lamictal lithium and mirtazipine up until 6 months ago and then i have had a spell without. I first became ill in 1979 but bipolar was only diagnosed 5years ago. had spells in hospital,several courses of ect's and it feels like most the antidepressants at some time or other
    Going onto abilify was discussed last week with the psychiatrist but i put her off for now i really do not want to do medication again and this is why i am not contacting crisis team i am scared i will set of a rollercoast of events and end up being threatened with medication or hospital

    thanks for your support and quick response
  5. Pingu

    Pingu Well-Known Member

    :welcome: to the forum.
  6. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Hey and welcome to SF :smile:

    I understand where you're coming from regarding wanting to stay away from medication. A number of people here wish they didn't have to take it, but also realise that it gives them a better quality of life, and helps to lift their mood. Surely it's worthwhile giving it a shot? I hope you find the support you deserve here,

    Take care, Lauren
  7. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    welcome to the forum.
    if you ever need a friend, PM me
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum :smile:
  9. sakuragirl

    sakuragirl Well-Known Member

  10. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome to the forum.
    I hope that you find support and friendship here. I am sure you will.
    Drop me a pm if you need an ear :)
    Take care.
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