Hello I dream about suicide alot...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Suicidal~Soul, Dec 14, 2006.

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  1. Suicidal~Soul

    Suicidal~Soul Member

    So I have lots of dreams of suicide.... or how I die. I like to write stories about my own death.... but I would like a dramatic or exciting death... I think I think about dying so much. Because it feels like I am not really living anymore... I remember my childhood it was so good. Until my father died.. when I was 10 and then everything went to hell! It pissed me off! I want to destroy something... but sometimes.. I get so mad.. and wish death upon my enemies.. i project my hate and anger onto to them... and call me evil.. but it makes me feel so free.. and so empowered.....

    I think of dying.. then my thoughts turn into motivation.. into anger. into hate upon those who have caused me pain.... and in the end... i love to watch them fail.. and have misforturne...

    Yes I know I am crazy... I always talk to myself.. when there is no one to talk to.. and I feel so much.. pain.. but the rain and the night is all that calls my name.... it whispers my name in darkness.. it's him the one to take me away.. the one the they call death....

    I do think of dying but NOT yet.. I want to make lots of money.. write great dark poetry.. I want to TOUCH the world wiht my thoughts.. feelings and ideas..so that others in the future can be helped.. and not have to face my fate... so this uncaring world might save someone and make their life better...

    But I see myself after I have finished my leagacy.... as just killing myself.. soon after... and dissapearing... into the darkness... what do you think?
    Yeah I know it sounds crazy..but deep inside I know my emotions will never be joyful or normal.. i know I will always been alone and never find true love...

    So I see my life as make money.. establish my leagacy.. and THEN I can kill myself.. it all works out really.. you can call it my secret plan....

    thanks for listening to my gargage...
     
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