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Hello, I guess

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Thanatar17, Aug 31, 2013.

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  1. Thanatar17

    Thanatar17 New Member

    Hi, I'm Thanatar17. And yes, the name is based off the Greek personification of death. But that has nothing to do with this forum, I've used it on every site or game I have ever been on, even before I was really that depressed.
    I'm not sure if I really fit here as I joined here on an impulse, out of curiosity when googling "my dad is an asshole"...
    And I'm not sure if I can actually call myself suicidal either. I think about it quite often, and definitely have contemplated it regularly, but the most I have ever been able to do is beat myself, or smash my fists against hard things when annoyed. I've never been courageous enough to cut through my skin. Because of this, I doubt I'll actually suicide, due to lack of any good options.
    That being said, I really only have internet on Saturdays currently- though I'll try to contribute to this forum anyways.
    I'm 17 years old, and stuck living in my dad's house, because I don't really have any other good options right now. While somewhat trying to find a job, I'm stuck here. I'm also going to repeat grade 11. Admittedly, I messed up big-time on school, as I gained a habit of skipping when I entered grade 8 in a new school, and had no friends and nothing to do at all. I never really got rid of that habit.
    Basic story of my life so far: I have a mentally ill mother, separated from my dad and took my siblings and I with her at first, where I was starved, locked in the basement, and when I sneaked cans of food late at night to eat, she called the police on me, which happened several times. When she tried to send me for adoption, I got to live with my dad, whom I had a somewhat positive relationship with then. To be honest he is an okay person in the sense he does exactly what he thinks is moral- but he's a huge asshole in every other way. He's just moved from a rural town to the city (and me with him) and is the source of all my unhappiness now.
    That being said, he's stated he'll kick me out when I'm 18, to "teach me a lesson on life." It's also thanks to him I only have internet on Saturdays. He expects me to be "grateful", but is enraged if I so much as state my opinion, and tells all his friends and my relatives bad things about me. I have no care for him at all; and as far as I'm concerned his only purpose is to take care of the rest of my siblings so they do not go to my mother. After that is over, I hope he <edit mod total eclipse triggering> not that I will have anything to do with it as I hope to sever all ties with him once I am able to move out.
    I can't get that depressed when I have internet, but basically, I only have 2 friends IRL, and I haven't seen them in months. IRL, I have essentially no social life, and little contact with the outside world right now. Once school starts, I hope to find friends, and gain a job of some sort, as in a sense the clock is ticking, and I have a little less than a year to save up and get out.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 31, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are feeling not heard not validated your opinions I do hope you are able to get a good job and find a safe haven for yourself and to be able to move forward Hope you do meet new friends when you start school as well so you don't feel so alone
  3. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. It's horrible how you were treated that way, especially by you're family. Hopefully once you get a job and move out things will be better for you. Everyone is very supportive here and hopefully you'll meet friends on here who can relate to you.
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