But, I'll write one anyway. So, I'm feeling rather suicidal (that is a lot more than I have been), I mean I think about committing suicide most days, but often that's more a sort of thing that I'd rather like to do but wouldn't. Until recently that is. Now I see suicide as being a perfectly good idea, more or less so as to escape, because right now I can't be bothered all this. When I say 'all this' I'm talking about worry, social anxiety, paranoia, OCD, depression and really just life in general. I suppose anxiety is at it's core really, just this anticipation of, well, further, mundane day-to-day life, trying to cope with it and wanting escape, to not have to cope with it. If I do go though with it, I think it'd be soon, but would I? Would I actually go through with it or not? Right now as I type this I begin to think that I wouldn't. But is that any better? I mean if I don't then I should do something, something positive, not just grin and bear it but actually try and get some sort of help perhaps. Well there it is; either I'll actually do it and that'll be that, or I won't, in which case I should really do something so that I don't end up in this state again so soon. Sorry if this was all a bit stream-of-consciousness and rambling a bit, but there you are.