I don't understand this anymore. I wake up with suicide thoughts and go asleep with them. I have a lot of nice things around me. I have all things I can wish myself exept happiness. But I just feel it is enough. I have such mood swings that make me crazy. At times (very sometimes) it is ok and I can do a lot. Then I come in deep depression. So, let me say. I always get hope and than...its like the ground under my feed goes away and am nowhere and can start again. I makes me so tired to fight this shit. I ask myself, why? For what? To feel a couple of days again good and than again so shit... For me it is very easy to take a mask and nobody knows. I don't want to let them know how I feel. Yes, I tell them sometimes that I feel depressed, but not more. In some way I can't be open about how I feel. I feel ashame. I've got medicines, but they didn't help. I do sports, but it doesn't help. I see my friends but still have this thoughts. The time comes that I can't take it anymore and it is very close. What should I do?