Hello, I'm new here

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by emerging, Feb 12, 2011.

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  1. emerging

    emerging Guest

    Hi. I feel weird about this, but why not give it a try, right?

    I feel so desperate and alone. I feel so much emptiness and pain>> How is that even possible, emptiness with pain? But I do. Unrelenting sadness that hasn't let up in almost a month straight. I feel terribly depressed, and think about dying a lot. I feel like a hollow pit, a shell of a person. Too many weird things, disorders, that I don't even know where to begin. Obsessed perhaps. I don't know. I'm lost most of the time. I cry everday. I ache with an overwhelming sadness that haunts me most of the time. I've been dealing with these things for as long as I can remember, with happier times here and there...but this time around has been such a long, debilitating stretch.

    Anyway, this is me right now...

    I am a female btw, 37 years old. TY!
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...glad you found us...is there something that set this off, or has this been coming on for you? It is so overwhelming and yet numbing to feel that way...I know exactly what you are saying by empty and in pain...been that way myself...I am sure there are many ppl here who can relate to that...welcome again and I hope you find the care and support you are seeking here...big hugs, J
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Hi Hi Hi glad you have reach out here because now you know you are NOT alone you will have many to talk to vent to you can pm me anytime okay look forward to seeing you around forum hugs
     
  4. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Welcome to SF. Is there something that has triggered off the way that you are feeling or has it just come out of the blue? Big :hug:
     
  5. emerging

    emerging Guest

    Thank you for all the warm welcomes.

    To elaborate further, yes some things have set this off. Although I've always had problems with depression my whole life, which makes coping with things very difficult.

    I've been suffering from many losses lately. My mother's death a couple years ago. I ended a long relationship shortly after that (I wanted to end it), loss of status (career hardships). I self medicated quite heavily in the last year, developed a pretty serious problem with alchohol (again, something I've always struggled with)...then I got arrested last summer for a DUI. I'm currently on probation and totally compliant, but it's been hard being sober all of the time.

    Oh, and also during the past year, I developed a relationship with a married man. Not something I'm proud of, nor something I set out to do...we just sort of grew closer and closer until eventually the relatioship progressed into deep emotional and then physical territory. The relationship has soured in the last few months, and I still have contact with him because we work together. I'm still in love with him and can't seem to get over it, at least not as quickly and painlessly as I would like to. We're trying to remain friends...but as you can imagine, it's very painful for me when I get home and I'm alone again.

    This may sound weird, but I've been haunted by our relationship on a daily basis. Almost anything I hear, do, see, think...etc., reminds me of him/us. I'm reminded of how lonely and desperate I feel. It's so painful.

    So, that hopefully explains a little bit. Once again I'm glad I found this forum. I really wish that I can heal.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the site! :) :hug:
     
  7. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Hi and welcome the forum, many here will empathise and understand your sadness.
    Healing takes time, i know you have heard that before, but its how you heal yourself that matters.
    Please post a little, read some too.
    Through others triumphs and failings we can all learn something new.
    I so wish you well.
     
  8. emerging

    emerging Guest

    :)Thank you
     
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Emerging, welcome to the forums!! Have you seen a shrink?? You should get a diagnosis so you know what is happening with you.. He/she can also set you up with a therapist..In my opinion therapy helps the most..It takes time to build that trust between you so give it time.. You always have us for support...
     
  10. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Hello, Welcome to SF.
     
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