Hey, I'm Chris 19 from England. Having trouble with how to start :S. I find it really hard to speak to anyone and never speak what i am really thinking which is why im finding it so hard to say what my problem is. I put on a front to everyone to make others feel good and assure them that I'm fine, but really I'm dying on the inside and to be honest the only reason I'm alive is to keep everyone else happy. This is due to a guilty conscience, the only reason I do anything these days is to make everyone else feel happy, my mum wanted me to do my education so I did, the teachers cared for me and 1 of them sent me to pupil help or whatever for therapy (Which I didn't go to) THEN I get a job that I don't want to do but i am anyway. I have friends but I've pushed them all away, they think I'm lazy and nerd who plays games all day. I normally play games all day and all night, i have massive addiction to games thats been going for 7 years. In the last 7 years the happiest moment of my life was when I sold my accounts on a game for £3000 which was 1 year ago. I played that game for 6 years and that stuff is stuck in my head, IT ALWAYS COMES BACK TO ME. My family consists of my mum who depressed, has OCD diabetes and more, shes divorced from my dad who is an alcoholic and nearly died 2 years ago, my step dad i phantise about killing, my brother was kicked out 5 years ago and everyone else is in my family is depressed as well with the additions of dementia and all of the rest of the stupid shit. Basically as soon as I leave my home I'm just going to dissappear and secretly commit suicide depending on how I'm feeling in the time period between now and leaving home. Its currently 8:36 am in the morning where I am and I haven't slept in about 54 hours and 27 minutes. Now going to try and sleep, I'll correct mistakes either when i wake up or come back on int 20mins. OR when my post is authorized. Don't take the piss, if i wanted that I'd just go talk to my family or freinds. I'll just end it by saying no one knows how i really feel, I hide ALL OF MY EMOTIONS, I've been told by all my friends that I can't read. I get on with everyone and avoid those who like confrontation etc. Bye and thanks for reading if you could this as I did shit at english in School.