Hello internet!!!

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by The carnival is over, Aug 29, 2016.

  1. hey guys. I don't know what to say. Im in the process of losing everything. I tried to have it all and by doing that i have lost everything. I lost track of what was truly important.

    I have always struggled with emotions. I try to put on a brave face like a real man on the outside and act like nothing bothers me but on the inside im struggling. All i want to do is travel to the alaskan wilderness and never return.
  2. I feel like im dead inside. I feel like nothing like numb
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum. Are you seeing a doctor or counsellor?
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum. Please feel free to elaborate and let us know more about what is going on with you :)
  5. Hey guys no im not seeing anyone. I am a lone ranger. I want to go away for a while. Thanks for just taking the time to read this. This was my way of screaming trying to let stuff out. Cheers
  6. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Nothing wrong with wanting to check out from society for a while. That's my plan for the most part. I'm half-way there, living the life of a near-hermit. I prefer solitude and nature. Nothing wrong with that.

    I tried to have it all too, but I ended up losing everything back in 2005. Condo foreclosed, lost my car, my "toys" and forced to move back to a crappy apartment in a city I hated. Since then I realize what's more important to me and I now live life the way I want without other people's input or concern. Sometimes when we feel so numb and dead inside, it's because we aren't on the right path.
    The carnival is over and sahel like this.

  7. Wow mate!!!! That bit you said about not being on the right path. That spoke to me if that makes sense.
  8. So soon i will reluctantly be starting the process of closing up my life. I love my wife dearly and im leaving her everything even tho she hates me and does not want to know me. I do it for her anyway. Her living a fruitful life has always been my plan since the day we were married. I didn't think it will end up like this but the end goal is the same so who cares how you get there. I just wish she would appreciate what i have tried to do. Oh well. Her happiness is all that matters so i still feel successful knowing even after i am gone she will be takern care off.

    Me? I am going to fly to alaska. The final frontier and never return. I want to loose my self in the mountains and never be found. I will report back in a few weeks when i have more details. When i am on my way.

    Thank you so much for reading this it feels so good to talk to someone even if it is over the internet. I am a sad clown. Happy on the outside so know one is the wiser but on the inside im a train wreck. Anyway i will post again when i know more. Thank you
    IamTetsuo likes this.
  9. RainbowCoyote

    RainbowCoyote Active Member

    It truly is a shame you lost everything and, as you said, 'lost track of what was truly important.' You deserve as much as anyone else.

    Struggling with emotions, though, is something i know a bit personally, especially "I try to put on a brave face like a real man"
    I am a very, VERY emotional person. I cry during movies (I think i cried at the end of Shrek 2 the other day), i cry during books, i cry during TV shows, Heck, i probably cry when i see a puppy. It was my default response to any emotion; anger, sadness, frustration, But...."Men don't do that" is the part that really got me, so i had a struggle to let out those emotions in a healthy way. It lead to self harm, for me, outbursts of anger toward people who really didn't deserve it, and a lot of internal pain.
    I think as a society we need to get rid of the "men don't cry" idea, just like we are getting rid of "women are fragile and need protection" (or trying to, at least). Sometimes in life, shit happens, and you need to let out a certain emotion; NO ONE should be criticized for feeling emotions.
    I understand it is not as easy, though, to decide "today i am going to let myself be emotional" ....it does take work...but i think if you remembered that the "Brave Man Face" is kind of bullshit it might help.

    Strength and courage--
    Frances M likes this.
  10. IamTetsuo

    IamTetsuo Well-Known Member

    Wow, I love your attitude! Possessions and 'having it all' is fine but it can become a trap when it comes to define you and you can't bear the thought of being without it. We'll all have to give up our attachments at some point so better to find that freedom before death imposes it on us. Being able to give it away to someone else without the need for acknowledgement is a wonderful thing.

    The idea of going to the wilderness and ending it there is, to me, really appealing and I honestly hope that I can die in nature. I hope you take your trip to Alaska and I HOPE YOU COME BACK. You might find a new perspective on life when all this is over, you know, 'the right path' and all that.
    Frances M likes this.
  11. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I hope you find new life and happiness up in Alaska. I think that realizing your life isn't working and doing something about it is wonderful. Most people realize they hate their lives but are either too lazy or too sick or probably just too scared to do something about it. I have a friend who has been complaining about her situation for the 8 years that I've known her. At this point I just ignore her because she's just a serial-complainer who has no intention on 'losing those 250 pounds" and "starting that home business" and even "savings some money to move to a larger place"...meanwhile she tells me about all the restaurants her and her bf go to and how many new credit cards she's applying for...it's aggravating, but it's her rut, not mine. In my case, I knew my lifestyle wasn't working, so I made all of the appropriate changes and sacrifices to get close to where I want to be. It's still in the process, but I have my eye on the goal and am more or less enjoying the process.