Hello...just had to get this off my chest..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by victorio17, Sep 30, 2009.

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  1. victorio17

    victorio17 New Member

    Hi, I have decided to commit suicide to end all the pain. I understand why some people try to help others who are suicidal because as its been said before, "suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems". But what if you were using suicide for a permanent solution to a permanent problem...this is my situation. I do not know where to go so I have just decided to share my thoughts here. Basically...when i was 8 years old a demented dentist decided to remove 8 permanent teeth, he wasnt supposed to do that. This caused a plethera of problems that my parents weren't even able to pick up on. Basically, after removing that many teeth my mouth became so small that it obstructed my sleep, and slowed my growing alot. I am now 18, Ive been told that I look very young for my age. I have found out that I have human growth hormone deficiency because of poor sleep during my teen years.

    I am now 18. The reason that I have decided to commit suicide is because I could've been something in life, as a child I was very good looking, very smart, and always imagined a great future for myself. The problems this dentist gave me though are that I am short, my body resembles a females, very skinny with wide hips and very narrow shoulders, my face looks plain weird since it barely went through any growth after the removal of teeth at 8 years old. I have a very receded mouth, and an even more receded chin. I've been told that I look like im 12 years old.

    Now, all this wouldn't be a problem if people accepted the way people looked. But this is not the case. All I ever wanted was to have a partner in life who I could love and who would love me. I did have this, I was dating a beautiful 24 year old girl. I guess she always thought I was a late bloomer and that I would grow later on. We were planning marriage and everything...(i'm extremely mature for my age its just I dont look it!) When I realized I had this condition and that I wouldn't mature anymore I decided to end the relationship. It was a very bad breakup as we loved each other so much and I couldnt even tell her that I was "sick" so I told her I needed to move on and find someone new. She was devastated but I know she'll be happier in the long run. She doesn't deserve to be 30 years old and be walking around with someone who looks like a preteen. And I know that once I get older, I will never be able to get any women because the fact of the matter is that women dont date guys who look like prepubescent boys.

    My problem is so unique and its been im my thoughts for every single second that i endure on this planet. I just want this all to end. I could've been something, but it is now too late. I hate life. How could there be a God if he lets people screw up others so much. I would kill the dentist that did this to me but he has fled the country because so many people sue'd him...

    Anyway I dont know when I will commit suicide but I want to die before I reach 20 years old. It's still kind of ok to look young at 18, but once I get older 20's 30s 40s i would just be a walking talking freak. This is all I have for now, thank you to all who took the time to read this, and have a wonderful day.
  2. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hello my friend,

    I can't even begin to understand what your situation must be for you... I'm good looking and never felt the stigma of being physically different from the "common people", so I won't pretend I fully understand what's it like for you.

    That said, I have seen many people having good lives despite looking different, it's obviously harder to fit in but there's a rule you should follow: if a person doesn't accept you as a friend because of the way you look, then s/he probably wouldn't make for much of a friend anyway. But there's good people out there who are willing to accept someone despite being different, you just have to keep a lookout for those.

    I do find myself puzzled about one thing. Why did you break up with your girlfriend by lying to her and saying you need "someone new"? I understand your intention to let her be free to find someone else if she couldn't stand your sickness, but you should have come clean to her and tell her the truth, let her choose. After all, she might have been ok with it and accept you for who you are and not how you'll look in the future. That's called love and you shouldn't have thrown it away like that, you should have given her the chance to choose, not lie and make the choice for her.

    You said all you wanted is a love for your life, that's always a good goal to have, you said from here on it will get harder to meet women who are willing to give you a shot, and grim as it may be, I have to agree with you. So why break up with someone that loves you and so far didn't show signs of being affected by your difference? I'm sorry if I'm not looking at this through the right angle, but it looks like you just threw away what you wanted the most...

    I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh here or if I misunderstood something, but the way I see it, you should probably talk to her and tell her the truth, she might even take you back, despite your illness, she wouldn't be the first.

    I know this is hard to believe, but being different or sick isn't the end of your life. Some doors might be closed to you, but if you look at anyone's life, we all have doors that get closed to us. You shouldn't look at those, you should look at the doors that remain open and shoot for those. There's still jobs that will accept you, there's still people who'll be your friends, you can still have a good life. Don't give up like that, you can still win.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know hanging on while feeling so badly about yourself is hard. But from experience (I'm 45, not extremely a good looker by far) as people mature so do the ways they look at others. Hun once you are out of your teens and young adult hood, you begin to see the truth, not all the lies that the media keep flooding you with. A persons looks or figure dont make the person. The person makes the person. Although I've been fortunate and have never judge a person by their looks, I now see people that swore they would only have good looking people in their lives, now change that. Hun if you just be the best you that you can, let others see all the gifts you hold within, you'll find people that appreciate you for you. Your looks dont define who you are. Really please believe me. People that only are attracted or befriend others because they are good looking are such shallow individuals. You dont need people like that in your life. Please think about what I've said. You have so much more than just looks to offer to another person.
  4. victorio17

    victorio17 New Member

    Thank you for your kind words. 2 months ago my life was going perfect, I had everything i'd ever wanted in my hands and was planning to spend the rest of my life with a girl that I loved deeply. I remember standing on my balcony one evening looking at the sunset and I felt this intense euphoria come over me, I felt everything in the world was so beautiful, everything was perfect. But then my whole world came crashing down.

    The reason that I broke up with the girl that I loved is that I know that she will be happier in the long run. Shes too smart, beautiful, and loving, to live a life with a sick person. I would be very selfish if I tried to get her back. I lied to her because I just don't have the courage to tell her or any of my friends that I have this illness.

    There really is no reason for me to go on with life. I've already lived a good life so far, I have many friends, I've done all that I wanted to do, experienced all there is to experience, why must I go on when all that my future holds is sadness and despair. And these are not random words that im throwing around, this is reality. I have the choice to either go through life a sad disease, or end it and end all the suffering that is yet to come. Why is suicide considered so bad anyway, is it better to feel eternal nothing or to feel eternal pain, this is the choice that i must choose...
  5. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    My husband is shorter than I am. He has a receeding chin and hair line. His legs are too short for his body and his feet are too big for his body.

    I would not trade him in for anyone else. He is my honey baby. He can growl like a bear when he gets mad and he cry his eyes out if a kitten dies. He knows how to make me smile when I need it the most.

    He cooks for me, draws my bathwater, and gives me the last bite of special goodies. He tells me he loves me and kisses me sweetly and he can't stand it when I cry.

    Please don't sell yourself short. I believe you have a lot of love in you to share. Not just with a woman, but many other people as well.
  6. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I second Chargette's words, don't sell yourself short just because you're sick. Do you really think sick people are not entitled to share their lives with beautiful, healthy and smart people?

    I see why you broke up with a lie and I commend your selflesness, but I'm sorry, I'm just someone who believes one should never ever make a decision for someone else without that person's consent. If you love her so much, you should at least have come clean and be honest with her.

    I have chronic fatigue syndrome. I'm not going to debate on who's disease is worst, but I have lots of pain and there's nothing I can do about it, and back when I first got it I was in absolute pain all day long. I was dating a beautiful, kind and extremely smart girl back then. Of course I couldn't keep up with her on alot of stuff, I was for the most part crippled and loving her like I did, I didn't want her to be stuck conforting me and come running to my house everyday the disease hit me worse and I could barely move, so I told her if it was too much for her, she was free to go be happy with someone else.

    And that was the only time she slapped me. She told me she would never leave me because of a disease, no matter how sick I was and that I was foolish even to think about it or believe she would even consider.

    Eventually she did leave me, but for completely unrelated reasons. So my friend, I really ask you to think this through, I hope it's not to late to tell her the truth and hope she can forgive you and maybe come back to you, I'm sure she'll help you break through your depression. Look, you are feeling suicidal, you want it all to end, so what do you have to lose? What's the worst thing that can happen? Please consider telling her the truth, I'm really positive it's the best thing you can do right now.
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