Not gonna kill myself or anything... I've felt like this plenty of times but I have yet to get off my ass and get what I would need to do it. And the pesky hope I can never seem to extinguish is still there. I'm just perpetually disappointed with myself. Once in a great while I'm in a good mood and boy, do I feel stupid after that. I don't even have serious problems. I am 25, with a bunch of assorted credits and Fs from college, nowhere near any kind of degree - there's nothing I want to do. No path towards a good job. I can't see how it could take less than a few years for me to be making a crappy living that I'd be disappointed to have settled for. My social skills are like a fork with one tine. I can talk to people, especially in a task-oriented context, but I can't relax around people unless I've known them for months. I don't know how to have fun at all. And if it's somebody I like? Forget it. By the way, is it normal to just barely relate to or care about almost everyone except for a handful of people I want to impress? I have a girlfriend that I feel nothing for, and I hate myself for this. When we got together it took all my energy to see her, so I stopped seeing my "friends" (friends, n. - group of people who I either hardly notice or am terrified to not look good in front of.) I need to interact with most everyone else in order to learn how I can act with the ones I look up to, but it seems like two experiences so completely different that the skills don't even transfer from the one to the other. Learning how to talk to people at work is not the same as talking to people outside. It seems for every person I want to spend time with on a personal level, I have to overcome my terror that they'll not like me, and then IF I manage that, learn an entire new set of behaviors... where to go, what to do, what to talk about. Ugh, this is horribly disjointed and I'm embarrassed to have written it. Gonna stop for the time being. Thanks for reading.