Hello never thought I would be in this place in life.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by jay73, Nov 23, 2008.

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  1. jay73

    jay73 New Member


    I turned 35 in may. I am a male. I found out my wife no longer loved me. After 6 years of marriage she called it quits and would not budge. I had no children with her. She could not have any. We raised her son together. The sad thing is was my marriage was abusive. My ex suffers from rage and anger. One minute "high" happy and the next "low" angry. She has made me believe I could not make it without her. I took paxil for a long time "5 years" to adjust to her. But now I am over her. The part that hurt the most was she hit me in the divorce for a lot of money. It hurt. Because I paid all the bills for us. While she worked to yet she never helped me out. She was always more concerned about her pets.

    My uncle died this year. We were close. I lost a very good job this year also. I have a new one but it is not like the old. I am selling the family home and moving. I have had way to much go on this year. It has stressed me so much I lost 50 pounds! I try to workout when I can to counteract it but that was not the source of the sudden weight loss.

    My mom died 7 years ago. I found her dead. My grandmother bless her heart is getting older and she lived with us. She is still sharp just she cannot drive.
    My dad went in and out of state hospitals till he moved in with my uncle and aunt after my mom died. He had an awesome career in accounting. But it affected him so bad you know. He and I have never had a good relationship.

    Several friends have turned the other way except 1 during my rough time. right now in life. It has all hit so fast. I have and am truthfully scared of all these changes. I have never been scared in my past before or ever like this.

    I need therapy bad. I do not know where to find it cheap nor do I know how to really get help without any insurance anymore. I am ashamed of my life. I look back and especially after this divorce feel I have nothing to show for it. I feel like giving up. I am tired. My soul is tired.

    Is there really hope anymore? Is there really good people out in the world?

    Thanks for listening. Please share your story with me. Please show me I am not alone in this. Just the fact to know there are others in the world with problems like mine, worse or less.
  2. jay73

    jay73 New Member

    Something else I would like to add. I am lonely. I blame myself for my marriage failing. I blame myself for all the financial mess it created. I blame myself for everything. I have no idea why I am even still here anymore. I gave it my all and lost hard.

    I feel lost.
  3. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Jay ever heard the proverb "needs to be tro to tango" ? The break up isn't all a one sided story. Both have their wrongs in it. Stop beating yourself down as you will not accomplish anything constructive.

    Pick yourself up and fix some aims to reach at short term and take it from there. Later on you will see that you are improving and can set aims at longer terms.

    Here you just have to read the posts and you will see what kind of problems we are facing. Some will relate to you, going through similar dwelling but non are quietters, they fight with all their might to make it. You shall meet them both in the forum and in the chat room.

    Its never easy to go through a divorce. You mentioned she has a child from a prior relationship, do you have rights to visit the child? What are your feelings towards this issue?

    I wish you to be strong and write as much as you feel the need to, somoene will always read and reply to you. If you like to chat in private, you can pm me or ask for a buddy (a person assigned to you to talk more on a regular basis). Look in the appropriate section for it.

    All the best
    granny x
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    sorry to hear you are going thru some tough times but believe me you can get thru this, i too went thru a long term relationship break up and was hit hard too, had it all then lost it all and left with nothing.
    but now i am getting there with my recovery, yes its hard and a long road and i know i am no where near being happy but i am still here fighting everyday.
    theres no quick fix for all this just a sense of stubborness that i wont be beat, as Granny said, set yourself small targets to acheive, devote yourself to yourself and things that make you feel good about yourself, none of this is your fault.

    take care
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum Jay :welcome:
  6. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Never thought I would be here myself but I'm glad I found it. Welcome to the forum and I hope you get as much from it as I do. It is sad so many people are here but it does make me realize I am not alone. Pm me if you ever want to chat about anything. All the best. S.:smile:
  7. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF.

    Just know that your not alone even in the most darkest of times.

    See you around the forums.
  8. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    Hey welcome to SF =)

    If ever you feel down, there's people here that know how you're feeling... You're not alone in this. :hug:
  9. jay73

    jay73 New Member

    thank you everyone. :) I hope to learn from you folks how to really make it through tough times. She poisoned my stepson against me. He loves me but she has purposely kept him out of my life to help him forget me.

    This week we do the move. The divorce is now final. Once we close on the house I am getting out of her life for good. She has broken me this year mentally, financially all of it.

    Thank you for sharing with me also. It has given me some hope of not being alone in trials.

    God bless
  10. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    welcome to the forum :hug: hope you find what you need
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF. When we are depressed it is easy for us to feel we are to blame for all the things in our lives that have gone wrong. That is not the truth. Please don't blame yourself.
  12. Rangoon

    Rangoon Active Member

    Hey buddy, Welcome!

    I'm in a similiar position as yourself. I'm 34 andmy wife has just left me. I live in the UK and my wife has moved to Moscow with our daughter so chances of me seeing her fairly often are slim. I have to live with knowing that m daughter will be raised by someone else and might only know me through the occasional visit and letters and phone calls. How did my life end up like this? I know it's hard right now, i'm in a really dark place with all this and can see no future. My days are filled with regret at mistakes made, mistakes I can never rectify. Sounds like you are feeling preety messed up too. I cannot promise it will all get better soon, nobody knows what will be, but good luck in everything. If you want to talk then send me a PM, maybe we can share advice.

    Take it easy.
  13. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :)
  14. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    welcome to the forum
  15. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Welcome to SF! :smile:
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