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Hello, new here..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by onlyindreams, Feb 19, 2010.

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  1. onlyindreams

    onlyindreams New Member

    Hello everyone.

    I am new to this place. I recently lost almost all of the things most important to me in my life: my best friend and other friends, the flat I loved so much, my beautiful boyfriend, my adopted city.. Everything is gone.. due to unavoidable circumstances.. I was so happy, wondrously happy. I'd been happy before of course but this was a whole different sort of happiness I didn't realize existed. And now, just like that, it's over and there is nothing I can do to change it. It hurts so much. I just have no motivation to do anything anymore. I'm OK sometimes but the days seem so long now, I can be fine one hour and awful the next, and the hours go on and on.

    Whenever someone says 'oh you have so much more of your life to live' it sounds like a prison sentence. I don't want to go on like this and I often feel it would be best to just end the pain. My boyfriend told me I have to be strong and brave now but I'm not strong enough to deal with this :/ It hurts more knowing we still love each other and would be together if we could. I miss so many little things about my old life, from knowing he was there as I fell asleep, to daily little texts about nothing from my friends, to the simple happiness I felt stepping out of my lovely flat into my beloved neighborhood.

    It's not fair and I can't believe it's all gone. Each day is a struggle and I just have no will to live anymore..
  2. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    What caused this sudden loss if you dont mind me asking
  3. magical

    magical Member

    Hi onlyindreams...
    I too have lost everything...my wife of 20 years, my home, and my 19 yo son. I haven't worked a real job in 13 years. I am isolated, living alone.
    I know exactly how you feel...I long for one more opportunity to show them I love them and can be a person they want to be around. I am having such a hard time letting go.
    I think of suicide every day and have for the past 6 months.
    The only thing that has kept me alive this long is the prospect of reconnecting with my son in 7 more months, when the no-contact order expires.
    I hope you too can find the will to live and give yourself a chance to find love again. There is always hope, until our final day, when we say our last goodbye.
    I know it's hard and I really struggle. People keep telling me exercise really combats depression and helps with positive attitude. I am so wrapped up in my own pain, I am finding it hard to get motivation to do anything.
    One of these days, I'm going to need to get started on taking care of myself...something I have very hard time doing.
    I hope you too can find value within yourself and hang in there and give life a chance to turn around in your favor....HUGS
  4. redemption

    redemption Active Member

  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey glad you are here and reaching out to others it does help. Keep reaching out okay lots of caring people here.
  6. onlyindreams

    onlyindreams New Member

    Thank you so much for your kind responses all.

    To whytryanymore, my visa ran out and I left the country. Here doesn't feel like home anymore, I can't get used to all the changes.

    To magical, it's great you have something to keep you going for the next seven months. I often find I have to tell myself to make it just till tomorrow, just till next week &c.
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    hey i've been going day to day - sometimes hour to hour - for a long time

    we do what we have to to keep going

    hang in there
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