Hey all... I figured I would post an intro before I jump right into the Suicide section of the site! I'm 35, live somewhere in the middle of the USA, female, very very spiritual, an alcoholic, have an eating disorder, a bit of OCD, etc. I'm self employed (website stuff). I'm not sure what else to say... one thing that really bothers me about my suicidal type feelings is my spirituality. I believe in God, Jesus, Buddha, reincarnation and enlightenment and all of that. I have a very personal relationship with God. I can't understand why I get plagued with terrible feelings anytime I start making spiritual progress. I've been in the hospital on suicide watch 24/7 (very recently). I know I have mental illness but I'm always so lucid, no matter if I'm drinking, etc, and am aware that I have mental illness, so nothing is ever done about it. In fact, the only thing anyone would do anyway is put me on meds, and I've had terrible side effects of SSRI's so I refuse them. I feel as though there is truly no outside help available for people except meds and group therapy. And does that really work? Um... with the amount of suicidal people on meds and in group therapy I know, I can say... no. If anyone can relate, let me know. I have a really hard time finding people who can relate to all of me.