Hello, my name is Kim. I'm 44 years old. Married for almost 23 years. Have 2 kids Ryan 24 and Jennifer 22. My hubby Bill can be supportive at times, but at other times he can be very cold, mean and I have no support at all. I suffer from severe depression ( extremely low serotonin levels), severe anxiety and panic disorder. As well as PTSD. Phobias. I also have Irritable Bowel syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, hypertension, I think now I am entering menopause which is causing a whole new horrible experience. I also suffer from food intolerances and chemical sensitivity. So I am unable to take most medication because of it. So I have been unable to take anti-depressants for my depression. I am sick 85% of the time... I am a complete agoraphobic for 20 years, haven't been able to get out of the house for many years now, last time I did was very traumatic. I have missed both my kids graduations and many other special things. Now my son is getting married in June... in my backyard with lots of grief from his fiancé's side of the family... feel like a total idiot. My daughter is also getting married next year or so. My life is backwards due to my illnesses. I'm up all night and sleep all morning which causes other problems. Everything is taking a toll. As I'm getting older and sicker is becoming more difficult, I feel like a freak with all my problems and no one truly understands. I feel very guilty and embarrassed. I'm not looking forward to my son's wedding with all the embarrassment of explaining why the ceremony is in the back yard... everyone thinks I'm a freak and weirdo... cause maybe I am. But then the WORST ever happened... I just lost my mom who was my best friend in Sept 2011 from the evil cancer. This has really done me in. I have thought of suicide many times over the years, but have managed to hold on...it is now becoming more difficult to hold on... I'm really starting to give up and just wanting to be dead and am seriously thinking of doing it. I've had enough after 20 years of this!