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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by backwardshole, Nov 16, 2010.

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  1. backwardshole

    backwardshole Active Member

    Hello, I am a 26 year old male, and I have been working in the call center field for 5 years now. I recently just got a new job at a technical support call center for Comcast, inbound customer service support for internet and phone service.

    I have been living on my own, I have my own place, for over 2 years now. have a fun music hobby and great friends. I live alone. I have been deeply suicidal for as long as i could remember. I practice yoga on a daily basis, and I also exercise, drink lots of herbal teas and eat healthy. But I see only darkness, lies, fallacies, fake people in today's overpopulated society.

    I have recently started cutting myself to relieve stress, only when I am at work, and it really does help relieve my stress at the heat of the moment, as it releases serotonin into the brain and adrenaline from the cortisol. I use an exacto to do it, I mainly cut my upper wrist on my left arm, not deep though. Although sometimes i have to cut deep to feel more adrenaline, depending on the level of stress.

    Please don't say stupid shit like, "Oh, you need to get out of that job", because it's working surrogate activities, jobs that I have no desire to perform, that induce a strong sense of malaise inside of me. Knowing that I am "locked in", having to work mindless jobs just to earn money to afford a damn living, it's a paradox for me. I have to degenerate inside just to live and replenish myself. I am on Cipralex medication, it does whatever it does.. I don't even fuckin' know anymore, and i shouldn't really care BECAUSE NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO FUCKING TAKE MEDICATION JUST TO SUSTAIN AN INNER BALANCE WITHIN THEMSELVES, ALL BECAUSE SOCIETY AND THE FUNDAMENTAL MECHANISMS OF THE SYSTEM ARE THE ROOT CAUSE OF ALL PEOPLE'S DEPRESSION, WHEN WILL PEOPLE SEE THAT WE ARE NOT THE FUCKING PROBLEM, BUT IT IS THE MERE "MISMATCH" OF OUR OVERCROWDED, HIGH DEMANDING SOCIETY VERSUS OUR VERY SPECIES. WE WERE NOT BIOLOGICALLY PRIMED TO INTAKE SUCH NEGATIVE/DEMANIND FORCES UPON US FOR THE SAKE OF FUCKING PROFIT. IT IS CAPITALISM THAT HAS DESTROYED THE MINDS OF THOSE AFFECTED.

    We live in a society where morality is bascially dictated by statistics, fake people, public small talk, always a deep sense of alienation and ostracism when out in public places. Most fucking people portray a "mask", or an "on stage character", just to get by.. The very social fabric of our mainstream soceity is so fucking fragmented due to CAPITALISM and the COMPETITION it pre-wires into the minds of people from childhood!! This world is absolutely backwards... and CAPITALISM MUST FALL..

    It is because of this, we choose to abuse ourselves, abandone social interactions, because many of us intuitively sense that something is deeply amiss... It never seemed right i awlays thoguht. Even when i was a young child, i had a great childhood, loving parents, I was in great health and had alot of good social attention from my family, but I always sense this deep sense "wrong" in the world around me.
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i dont think capitalism is the problem. people in north korea arent exactly living the good life. i want to die every single day but it has nothing to do with society
  3. backwardshole

    backwardshole Active Member

    As far as i'm concerned, if anyone wanted to end their life, they wouldn't be coming on this forum to tell everyone, they would just fucking do it. It is somewhat selfish to keep a person here if they instinctively feel that it's the only way for them, is to leave this planet.. It's no different than not euthanizing a dying/suffering bed-ridden cancer patient.
  4. backwardshole

    backwardshole Active Member

    Why, what are you all depressed about? I guarantee you all that it somewhat can attribute to the fundamental layout of systematic mechanisms..
  5. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    people dont come here to tell everyone they want to end it, they come because they want help in trying to live.

    so society is fucked,,, like that is a new piece of news, its been fucked since idiots got in power way back when, but does that mean you have to be fucked too?
    why let them screw your life up
    personal choice
  6. backwardshole

    backwardshole Active Member

    That's why i choose to cut myself, it helps.
  7. backwardshole

    backwardshole Active Member

    Not everyone is under their own true initiative. Not everyone has FULL CONTROL of their lives. there are many restrictions that may hinder a person and further delay whatever it is that they are trying to achieve.
  8. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    i dont think anyone has control, but I know that society problems are not the main reasons people come here. for most its personal, loss, love,, abuse, depression, bullying,, it isnt just society.
    seeing how it ticks helps though, just knowing how those cogs turn can help people see past it all and pick a side, you either work with society or against it in reality.
    i wouldn't cut my nose off to spite my face though,, just because they fuck the world doesn't mean i have to be a part of it. ive got my own problems without looking at the stuff they do which inevitably is just to create distraction from the things they do and desire while they have the power before the next bunch gets it.
    make it as hard as possible for people to make a living so they dont take stock and look beyond the money/taxes/wars exc,,,
  9. backwardshole

    backwardshole Active Member

    This is true...
  10. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I don't think that the problem is really something inherent in capitalism. Just about any kind of system will work if the people participating in it have good will.

    I think society does have a lot to do with why so many people are depressed. One of the biggest problems is just the lack of good will. Assholes go around fucking things up, and then other people say to themselves "I got screwed over, now I'm going to try to make myself feel better by screwing everybody else over even harder", and everything just goes to shit.

    It's also much too socially acceptable to be a total asshole.

    The yoga and the exercise sound good. Sometimes exercising too much can be a problem. I've read that about 1/2 hr of gentle aerobic activity per day is good. Just enough to make you break a very light sweat. More than that can be counterproductive.

    If you read the papers/ watch the news a lot, it might be good to take a break from that. They hit you with a lot of doom and gloom, and that's because that's what gets the ratings up. If there's no crisis or something to fear, people aren't going to tune in.

    There is a book that I often recommend, "Curing Depression Naturally with Chinese Medicine"

    You may also want to look into adjusting your meds, therapy, and maybe ECT.
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