Hello ppl

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by mynameisthomas, Sep 28, 2013.

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  1. mynameisthomas

    mynameisthomas New Member

    Well, here I am. I'll try not to bore you all with my life-story rant but in short by best friend since 7th grade killed himself three years ago. We were both 21. It's been the worst three years of my life since then. My world basically fell apart. I fell apart. There have been ups and downs, depression and joy but mostly sadness. I don't have very many friends anymore. My family and my wife are very supportive though. I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this and I can't hold it in any longer. Hence, I joined this website. I used to want to kill myself too but mostly, I feel like a victim of my friend's suicide. It makes me sad. I mean, I'm a lot better than what I used to be but it's never something you get over. At any moment I could break out in tears. It makes me an introvert anti-social and I don't like the things I used to. I have no motivation. Just doing homework is SO difficult. My friend's suicide has made me a completely different person. I feel weak. idk. I just have to learn to live with this and take one day at a time.

    I don't know how much sense this all makes but regardless, I'm happy to meet you all.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are making alot of sense h un suicide affects us deeply the ones left behind. i cry for no reasons just a sudden urge of sadness hits me I hope you have reached out to a professional to help you move through this grief hun to help you cope with your friends suicide It helps to be able to talk to someone that does not judge you but listens
    Glad that you are reaching out here for support many of us understand that sadness of losing someone hugs to you
  3. mynameisthomas

    mynameisthomas New Member

    To be honest I have not sought professional help. I don't even know where to look or if I can afford it.
  4. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    welcome. grief is an overwhelming thing. happy you joined this forum, people here really are helpful and forthcoming...
    what about your usual doctor (so to speak). have you told them you're struggling mentally?
  5. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Hello Thomas.
    I wanted to respond to you with some insight into my own experience because I think we both can relate to one another. I understand how you are feeling. Almost three years ago now, my 18 year old son died by suicide. He was very depressed and my wife and I were working feverishly to try to get him help and support. In the end, regardless what we do for someone, they are the ones who make the final decisions and all we can do is hope that they don't make the wrong choice. In my son's situation, he made the wrong choice and I think you can relate to how I feel now every second of every day. My son had everything going for him - his band was just taking off, a major guitar company was about to sponsor them, he had been successful before that as an actor (regular in a Disney TV series), and was a unique and wonderful young man.

    I am telling you this because I want you to know that I can relate to what is going on in your head, and in your heart. I did not get therapy after this, but I did create my own form of it. I won't go into great detail, but I will say that our loss completely changed everything about our lives (my wife and his two remaining brothers). Today, we do anything and everything we can to honor his memory and to use our tragedy to try to bring more awareness to others.

    There were some great mistakes made by some professionals which I believe cost my son his life... and while I myself did not consider suicide, you can bet that various forms of retribution crossed my mind briefly after our loss. I would do anything, including give up my life, for the good of my children or in their defense. I realized, however, that doing anything rash and negative would not honor his great memory. He would have given the shirt off his back for a total stranger, so how could I ever do anything negative and disrespect him?

    Everybody finds their own ways to cope in a situation such as this, and I can't tell you what will work for you. I can tell you though that I have found great peace through the methods that I use and if you ever want to chat in detail about that, even just to brainstorm for your own well being, then feel free to contact me via PM on here.

    I'm sorry for your loss, I can't say "It will get better over time," because that is not really true. Over time we learn better ways to cope, and to go on without allowing the world to see the empty hole this leaves within us, but only those of us who live these feelings can truly understand what becomes our fate. Shortly after I lost my son, and while people were telling me "It will be okay," which really angered me, I received a phone call from a famous guitar professional who had lost his son in a tragic situation also. He told me that we both are now imprisoned for life with no possibility ever of parole, and that we had to adjust to life in our new bondage and his words were the only ones that made any sense to me.

    You learn, in life, to adapt to your environment. This is role we must partake.

    I hope you find a way to cope and go on. Life is worth living and that is WHY we feel so bad by that which we have lost.
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