:hiya: I guess I'll start off with saying that I've joined this forum as a last resort and that it wasn't an easy decision. I never 'reach out' to people because I know there are people in the world that have lives ten times worse than mine. It always has me questioning myself, like, 'what right do I have to hate any aspect of my own?'. I don't want anyone telling me that I'm right, that I have no reason to be upset over anything because I've lived a good life - one that anyone would be lucky to have. That's all fine and dandy but the fact is that although I feel 'blah' right now and have actually been happy with my life the past year, some time last month I realized I'm going downhill emotionally and it's freaking me out x1000 - moreso now since I've been crying daily over the same things this past week which is one big friggin' sign to me that I'm not getting any better. The more I think about suicide, the more I seriously consider it and feel like there's no other way. In the past whenever I'd have suicidal thoughts I knew deep down I'd never attempt it – I always had this small glimmer of hope that at least ONE PERSON out there would seriously be affected by my death...I lived for them. NOW? That 'glimmer' is starting to disappear. My 'will to live' is starting to as well – that's why I've joined this forum. I.DON'T.WANT.TO.DIE. Well, I don't want to, but then again I do. I feel as if I'm fighting myself. Since I can't talk to anyone I know about these feelings (not anymore) I'm hoping people here can help me.