Hello, thank you for being here

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by paxva, Jun 18, 2015.

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  1. paxva

    paxva New Member

    I just want to say hello rather than be a total lurker. I don't anticipate participating a lot but have already benefited from the discussions that are taking place. There is comfort in knowing I am not alone in my thoughts, feelings, struggles, etc....

    I am in a pretty good place right now. I have dealt with suicidal thoughts though for 30 years or so. They would come and go usually on about a 3 year cycle it would seem. I always had a coping mechanism that while effective (I am still here) wasn't very healthy. Well, I had a string of experiences starting about last December that really set me up for a major episode back in late March early April. I have been in therapy (same therapist) for the last 8 years dealing with various relationship and personal issues so I have a good support structure in place. I have also seen a psychologist in the past but that was a long time ago and fairly short. Anyway, when my therapist suggested that I needed a little more help than she could give me and thought I should see a psychiatrist I knew it was serious. Her primary concern was that I needed someone that could prescribe medications to help calm me down. I wasn't ready to go see a psychiatrist so we negotiated that I would go see my PCP and see if she would prescribe something for panic / anxiety / depression. I did this and am now on a couple of meds that have helped tremendously. I wish I had done this a long time ago. My wife calls one of them the "magic" pill.

    I still have most of the same thoughts and so far all the same triggers but the meds have helped take the edge off and slow everything down enough that I can use the tools that I have been learning over the last eight years a little more effectively and in real time. In other words they have really helped me with my awareness of what is happening before it takes me over. I am hopeful that as I continue to stop the full pattern from playing out that the thoughts will be reduced and possibly even some of the triggers will go away.

    I have decided to go see a psychiatrist and have an appt set for next week. It took a while to find a psychiatrist in this area that is will to actually do psychotherapy rather than just prescribe medications. I am now preparing for that first visit. So far the anxiety hasn't been bad but I am sure it will ramp up the day before. I'm not sure why I am so anxious. I was the same way before seeing my PCP and that went great, exactly as I had hoped. I had been seeing this doctor for 10 years or more, I think that may have helped but also led to some of the anxiety.

    Sorry to have gone on so long, just got a little carried away.
    Thanks for listening.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi paxva and welcome to the forum. Sounds like you have a great psychologist there, one that really cares and believes in you. Well done on getting yourself to a good place and I am glad the medications have taken the edge of. Best of luck with your psychiatrist appointment, I think you will do just fine, make sure you keep us updated, also welcome to the forum, it is nice to meet you!!
  3. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF :) Thank you for sharing your story. As Petal said, it seems like you have a great support structure in place with your doctors. Good luck with the psychiatrist next week, I'm sure it will go well.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Good for you for taking that next step to get the help you deserve. That took courage and the psychiatrist sounds like a good one that not only prescribes pills but does therapy as well Glad this site has help you as well SF will always be here when you need that little extra support Nice to meet you
  5. paxva

    paxva New Member

    Thank you all for your kind welcomes.

    I do have a good support structure that includes not only mental health providers, and my doctor, but also my wife and several of my best friends. I wish my family was a little more supportive (parents in particular) but they just don't know how. Of course that is a significant part of the reason why I am just now learning how to deal with my emotions and feelings, it was not modeled in my family of origin.

    As I am sure you all already know though, having a great support network, great care, and the help of medication, still doesn't cause the feelings to go away. In some ways it has made things more difficult in that I "appear" to be much better on the outside. It doesn't always change what I feel on the inside. I am continuing to work on tools to allow me to ask for help when I need it even when it isn't obvious on the outside.

    Thanks again and I look forward to participating as appropriate.
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