Hello there

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Tiredandsick25, Feb 2, 2015.

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  1. I am a 25 year old female who has struggled with a number of chronic conditions and life threatening illnesses for a large portion of my life (especially the last five years). I have had additional life complications and a tumultuous childhood.

    For years I have contemplated suicide off and on and have been hospitalized over 16 times since 2003.

    My health and life events often influence my pattern of suicidal ideation, right now I am dealing with the potential of having a new type of Cancer in my thyroid and have a another lump at the side of my skull. This is making me feel the suicide thoughts coming on again in addition to other life issues that have been deteriorating.

    I truly believe I would not have these thoughts to commit suicide if I was not tormented by so many problems physically.

    I have never wanted to die, but I wanted to escape suffering and pain. I often wish I could be reborn in a new body. And I could live the life I always wanted to which entail "normalcy" and peace.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there and welcome to the forum.

    I am so sorry to hear of all your physical illnesses, I am 25 as well, I can't imagine having chronic conditions and life threatening illnesses since 2003. I really do feel for you. I hope you find this forum useful, there are so many kind hearted people here and people that will care.

    Kind regards

    Petal
     
  3. ^ oh thank you. The hospitalizations I was talking about were mostly mental health related but aggravated by life stressors. But I have had many hospitalizations related to physical health as well.

    Every time I'd have surgery for the first week my thoughts of suicide were temporarily abated as I was so afraid to die that I fought hard to hold on to life. But after a while during recovery I'd start contemplating again as I'd realize the depth of misery of my life.

    I seem to be really ambivalent if you know what I mean.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are very welcome. Did they give you a diagnosis at the hospital, are you in therapy?

    You have certainly had a hard time and been through hell it seems. Know you are not alone and never give up, while you are alive there is hope.

    We might not have all the answers here but we do care.
     
  5. I have a general autism spectrum disorder, Depersonalization (which comes and goes)
    ,intermittent panic disorder (I can go years and years without having symptoms) and possible borderline (it was suggested but never fully diagnosed).

    I had tried many psych drugs, therapies, treatment rehabs and did four rounds EST in 2009.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Oh I see.... did you find that any of the psych meds helped? I have panic disorder/anxiety too and I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
    Therapy is the best help for borderline in my opinion, it eases the symptoms, the impulsivity, promiscuity, etc.. I've heard about ECT, good and bad things.
    Good luck in your recovery :)
     
  7. Nothing helped. I never have anxiety attacks anymore these days .

    But When I did they were debilitating and lasted for three years before they disappeared.

    Not impulsive either or promiscuous.. Which is why the BPD never was really a "fit"
     
  8. storm

    storm Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums! If you need anything at all feel free to PM me anytime. :) :hug:
     
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Welcome aboard. Sorry about your ailments. I dont think theres anything I can say to help you feel better. :hug: hope your health gets better from now on
     
  10. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I hope you are feeling from the support you got from the community here. You are important and very day is a battle but don't be scared.

    You have survived now and you survive further with the.care of this community. Just be safe and take care.
     
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