I was doing a Google search on "Suicide Forums" and this was the first to appear. I must say that after reading some posts I knew this was the one to join. So many others are very depressing, even discussing how to commit suicide etc. When one is very down, that sort of reading just makes matters worse. This forum appears to have people who are understanding, non-judgmental and it also seems to give one a place to sound off when things get really bad. For starters, I have suffered from bad depression, especially during the last several years. Sometimes I have to fight my suicidal feelings on a daily basis. And for the record, I am also a self-injurer--something which I find many people don't quite understand. As another SI put it "The other side of the self-mutilating coin is not to self-mutilate. The other side of that coin is actually committing suicide, and self-injury is the sharp turn one takes so as not to try and end one's life". I hope that sort of makes sense. My suicidal feelings come from the fact that I have developed almost unbearable full body pain from a botched surgery in 1992. Tried to sue but back then my diseases were barely known to the medical community and no doctor would testify in my behalf. Also the fact that we went through a bankruptcy after being taken over by predatory lenders, were in and out of court for 2 years over it. Finally found out the IRS is going to take almost all of our money for taxes due to the fact we received a paltry settlement over this. We were VICTIMS; they are the crooks, yet we are still being victimized by the system. That was the final straw. We had been counting on that money to help us get our own home again. That was when I took the overdose.... Don't remember much because I had a "blackout". So here I am, hoping to learn from others and maybe being of some use myself. Anyway, I've certainly written enough for now. Thanks for reading.