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Hello to everyone

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Well-Known Member
I, of course, am new here. I am not currently suicidal but I have been surfing about suicide which is a sign that I am going downhill. I have bipolar and suffer from depression frequently. Last month I was in the psych ward for 18 days for ECT and to change my antidepressants.

I am 56, have 2 small dogs (yorkie and papillon), divorced since about 1995, and my only child, Serena, died in a car accident in 1992 when she was 16 years old. Those are the important facts of my life. A few years after her death, in a search for a new life, I earn a Ph.D. in education and became a professor. About five years ago I had to go on disability and haven't been able to return to work since. I do volunteer at a charity that fixes donated computers and distributes them to people with low incomes. When I entered the door the first time someone handed me a computer and said scrap it. I had never opened a computer before. Now, about 4 years later, I repair hardware, install software, keep the install script up to date, help consumers, whatever is needed. Most of the time I like it. When I am not doing well I have trouble there and find it very stressful.

Back to suicide... since this is the suicide forum. My first attempt was when I was about 14. No one ever found out as the only thing that happened was that I slept through a weekend. No one noticed I stayed in bed from Friday to Sunday. Since my daughter's death I have attempted several times and in different ways. My last attempt was probably about 4 years ago. Now when the urge/need to attempt becomes too intense I go to the ER. I am afraid to try it while I want to do it. I don't think I want to die, I think I want out and death is just a side effect.


Staff Alumni
Hi and welcome...No parent should ever have to bury a child...the pain must be unbearable...please know that there are many members here who can relate to what you are going through...welcome again, and so glad you found us...J


Well-Known Member
I'm so sorry to hear about all your losses...you are so strong for being here today and getting help.

Please know any time you need to talk, or want to, my PM is open.

Take care and welcome. <3


Well-Known Member

Hi, Welcome to SF!
So Sorry to hear you lost your daughter, it doesn't seem fair for a parent to lose their child and go through such imaginable pain! I know the pain never goes away and you must still suffer so much. SF is a very kind, gentle sanctuary with so many kind and caring people.
I hope you soon feel at home, cared for and supported!

Take care x


Well-Known Member
I don't think I want to die, I think I want out and death is just a side effect.
that's a very profound statement and so true..
most of us just want the pain to stop.

I'm glad you found this forum.
lots of caring people here for support.

i think you've done an amazing job making your 'new life'
you are an inspiration to me...
i have lost a child to suicide so have some understanding of your pain.
hope you stick around and talk to us

sending you *hugs*
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