I don't think I actually would do it, I'd fee to guilty to leave people behind and to think I might put others into as much pain as I have, but I do think about it all the time. Every day, I fantasise about all the blood draining from me and how peaceful it would be. I wonder what happens when we die. I used to believe in God and heaven, but now I am sort of confused over what that would be. I'd not want an eternity of consciousness and remembering life and all that happened to me so I find myself sort of hoping that when we die that we just fall asleep and then just don't exist, and that everything we are or were is washed away. I'm sorry for those who are actually on the brink of doing this. What keeps me from doing it also is the thought that there will be some sort of eternity trapped in the same pain. If we stay alive, at least there is some sort of hope to change the outcome for ourselves. I never really understood people who felt like this before, but I think maybe we can all only take so much pain. It's so tiring to face every day like this. I can't talk to anyone about feeling like this. Glad I found a place i can say these things.