Hello, would you like to read a life story? Hehe x

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Victoria, Oct 26, 2015.

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  1. Victoria

    Victoria New Member

    Just signed up today! I like this idea of being in a place where I can talk to people with similar dealings :D

    I don't really talk to people in my life about these problems because my dads side (the only side that are truly sane) don't really understand in this 'depressive business' as they call it, so I just keep to myself. Not only that, I have a lot of people who depend on me and it's difficult to let myself be seen in a vulnerable light by them, need to stay strong for their sakes.

    A little about my past, I didn't have the greatest of childhoods, it was full of abandonment, violence, rape and much more, but I don't dwell on my past I am very proud of the woman I am today because of it, it made me a compassionate and resilient woman.

    That is though, til recently, I've been experiencing feelings I haven't in a long time, here is my predicament, sorry it is long...

    Recently I have just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship, he was not the nicest of the flock, he said hurtful things, threatened to leave me every 5 minutes if he didn't get his own way, wouldn't let me do things but would be allowed to himself, always put me down to his friends and let his friends talk to me like garbage, he cheated, made me pay for everything, blamed me for every wrong doing in his life, eventually he was dumb enough to push me too far by seeing his ex behind my back (an ex that caused a bucket load of trouble because she wanted him back, but I don't blame her, I think she was emotionally beaten by him also to believe she needed him), but of course, I realised he had no respect for me, so I finished the relationship, he didn't care of course, he could 'do way better than me'.
    But like all abusers, he eventually didn't like that I left him, how dare I think about me for a change, he made my life a living hell, harassed me til I broke down. I ended up deleting Facebook (after blocking the 28th fake account from him and his ex I just gave up with), I had to get rid of Whatsapp and Snapchat, I had to make it so only people in my contact list could phone or text me, I had to walk around with my lights off in total darkness so he wouldn't think I was in. He started prank calling my work phone to see if I was there, I couldn't go out with my friends any more because every time I left the house he somehow knew, so I had to isolate myself. (Currently still in the process of dealing with this).

    Side note, no one has been very supportive of me as I've kept it very silent, I've only told one person, my manager, and he has been fantastic (so much to the point where I've now ended up developing feelings for this man... Doh! Silly me :().

    Work is exhausting me, which I'm sure isn't helping, a few staff members down, I'm working 7 days a week, so tired and I really love my job, but I'm really getting frustrated by it due to all the stress!

    Also have a very depressed brother, he keeps trying to hurt himself and does nothing but take drugs and he has no idea what his behaviour is doing to me, but I shouldn't make that about me, I know he's suffering and I feel completely useless as his big sister. We also have a few unwell family members, which is stressful for me but it's killing him I think, the whole situation is horrible.

    Sometimes, this sounds petty, but I just lay down and hope I don't wake back up again, and when I do wake up I have the urge to just run away from it all, but I know it's not possible.

    I'm a genuinely hyper person besides all of that! Just so exhausted I think. If you read all of that congratulations, I know I can rattle on :p xxx
  2. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum Victoria, you've come to a good place. Everybody here can relate to suicidal thoughts, and there's a lot of people here you can find that will be able to relate to your specific problems and support you. Just remember that no one here judges each other and so never hesitate to ask for help or support when you feel you need it:)
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome, Victoria. Here we understand, you do not have to hide your feelings and thoughts here, it must be stressful working 7 days a week but I am glad you enjoy it. Keep us updated on how you are coping hun x
  4. Lady Wolfshead

    Lady Wolfshead Well-Known Member

    Hi Victoria. It sounds like you went through so much with your ex and I hope your suffering is over.
  5. Leon2

    Leon2 Active Member

    You sound a very caring person, you are stronger then you think, I'm sorry you have so much to deal with, you did the right thing getting out when you did
  6. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Please do not isolate yourself from anything as that will not help but might you overthink about situation. Please disassociate yourself from this person and perhaps think about getting a restraining order for her and him. You might piece of mind rather than hiding in the dark or trying to avoid him. You need to show him that you can get on with your life without having him around. The pranks should recorded and you should keep a diary of any situations with your feelings as well. The deceit is not nice but please stay calm and I hope this advice helps you. Take care.
  7. Jellyfish

    Jellyfish Active Member

    Hello Victoria (snap on the name by the way ;) )
    Welcome to the forum, though i haven't been here very long myself, i've already found the people on here are very supportive and friendly.
    Those first few paragraphs sound so much like my life it's uncanny.
    Luckily i haven't had to deal with bad relationships....mostly because all my boyfriends were annoyingly clingy so i ended them quite fast, though i'm not too proud of that.
    You definitely made the right choice by getting out of that relationship!
    I can relate to getting feelings for people you probably shouldn't as well XD it's difficult, my current crush is one of those too.
    At least this is a place where you can open up to those sorts of things because people here really do understand and care.
    Either way, welcome to the forum!! :D
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