Hello..

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by clavillazo, Dec 2, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. clavillazo

    clavillazo Member

    I'm 37 year old man who just fled across country to escape an abusive marriage. Unfortunately, there's no way to write that sentence that doesn't make me sound like a weakling or a coward. I'm currently living in a friend's spare bedroom and contemplating my future, or lack thereof. Just tired of the pain and the uncertainty. Thanks for listening.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I do no tthink it makes you sound like a coward or weakling but rather a strong person- strong enough to get out of a bad situation and brave enough to strike out and try a new beginning. That is a testament to great character and wisdom. It will take some time to adjust and I am sure it is not easy but with some careful reasonable goals and steps to reach those goals you can get yourself to a better place and regain a sense of purpose and being. Keep sharing with us and maybe we can help with ideas to help get started and lend a caring ear to the problems and obstacles as well.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You don't sound like a coward or weakling....it's good that you got out of a bad situation. I don't have enough strength to do that in my own life, so I commend you. I'm sorry you are dealing with so much right now, but we are here to listen and help.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun you are so strong to get out to get away way to go hun I hope now you can find a new path of healing and hope hun
     
  5. clavillazo

    clavillazo Member

    Just found this forum less than an hour ago. Thank you for being so welcoming.. I just feel useless. Left an abusive home life in my early 20s and jumped straight into an abusive relationship.. which became, ultimately, an abusive marriage. As my parents marriage was itself an abusive mess, I really believed that that's the way relationships worked. And I soaked up 15 years of biting, punching, name-calling, and general humiliation. A year ago, I became committed to the idea of ending my life.. I felt that there was no other way out. She outearns me, I have no degree, she owns the house, and I believed then, as I still do, that I'm essentially unlovable. I ended up sitting in the bathtub with a straight razor while she was at the office. What ultimately prevented me from doing it was the sound of my cat scratching at the bathroom door, and the realization that he'd end up at the pound if I weren't there. Ultimately, while I'm glad to be away from her (and I have my cats with me), the shame and depression linger, and despite (or maybe because of) what I've been through, I'm still terrified of living the rest of my life alone.
     
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You won't be alone forever...you left the relationship and that's half the battle....but I know that you have the strength to get through it. I know it can be hard on your own (I know because I'm all alone), but you can overcome this, and we will be here to help you through it.
     
  7. clavillazo

    clavillazo Member

    Your signature is more appropriate than you can possibly imagine. As far as hope is concerned, I have very mixed feelings about it. Hope is one of the things that kept me in an abusive relationship for more than a decade.. the persistent hope that things would improve. It was only after I let go of that hope that I allowed myself to leave. Hope can be very dangerous.. and yet, I suppose it's preventing me from committing suicide, too. I don't know.. Anyway, thanks for being there..
     
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    It's hard for me to keep hope alive too, but we can help you through it. You aren't a bad person because of how others treat you, and you don't deserve to die (something I'm trying to come to terms with on my own). I've dealt with abusive family members and friends, and you don't deserve that kind of treatment, not at all. You deserve so much more than whatever you are dealing with at the moment. It may be hard to believe, but it's true.
     
  9. clavillazo

    clavillazo Member

    It's not so much about being a bad person as a useless one. I didn't care how I was treated for a very long time because I felt I was useless. I still feel that way.. It's hard to feel any other way when you're living in a spare bedroom.
     
  10. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You do not have to worry about the rest of your life right now- worry about today and this week , maybe this month. If you keep your focus on these things until you get a little more started and set up again then the rest of your life will look more manageable and you can start to consider the long term goals. You were in a situation for a long time and your aims and goals may have disappeared, but they can come back with patience and taking it slow and getting yourself to the place you need to be to actually consider more than a few weeks at a time.
     
  11. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You aren't useless, trust me...the people who make you feel this way are the bad ones. I still take things out on myself, but hopefully one day we can have the best life has to offer.
     
  12. clavillazo

    clavillazo Member

    It's just hard to see from where I'm standing.. Thank you for the kind words, though.
     
  13. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I know it will be hard right now...but we will get you through this...and here if you ever need to talk :hug:
     
  14. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Yes, I would agree........sometimes we need to just focus on one day at a time with the strength we have, and tell ourself that we can get through this upheaval - relish the freedom that it brings from what we've left behind (well done!) and know that new beginnings are always possible. Don't look at the clouds Clav - look at the silver lining that has already appeared :)
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.