Hi. I'm 26. I've been depressed for the majority of my life. I believe it stems from my social anxiety. I've thought about suicide a lot. I don't think I'm the kind of person who would attempt it in the sense of we'll see if I die or not. I'll either go through with it or not. The main thing that holds me back is my fear of death. I imagine that's what holds most of us back. Worst case scenario I get sent to a fiery place of torture. Best case, some place better place than this. Neutral case, I'll cease to exist. The problem is that even in the best case scenario I'm still stuck as me. My depression doesn't stem from being wronged in life. Desiring to cease to exist for me is the equivalent to acknowledging that I dislike to the core who I am, and that I don't have the strength to change the part of myself that causes depression, or maybe there really is no change that would fix me. Ultimately I am my source of depression and not the world around me. If things keep up the way they are, there will come a time when my fear of death disappears. It will be nullified by the dislike of myself and existence. My depression has gotten worse recently. I'm kind of a logical person, I rationalize my thought process a lot. I'm worried because my mind feels like it's in the process of checking out. I'll be on here and we'll see how things go.