Hello. I feel a little out of place here. I've thought of suicide everyday for a long time now (somewhere around 3 months to 3+ years, my memory sucks). But can't allow myself to do that, because of something I want to protect. The strange thing is, it's not from extreme, prolonged sorrow. I'm not numb either. I had depression once, from something that happened to me. Nothing else has made me feel sad since (and I've had some messed up stuff happen to me). Yet, I still desire it deeply. But things don't seem to matter anymore. And even though a laugh and smile all the time, without faking it, it feels hollow. Real, but hollow, meaningless. I miss sorrow. I like feeling sorrow. But I can only get it from that one thing now. And if it came back, I wouldn't be able to function. So I wait, passing time as best I can. Waiting until the day I die naturally. I hope it's still ok for me to post here.