Forewarning: I don't know how to start/structure this so it may seem really lengthy and 'all over the place'. I am a 19 year old (soon to be 20) male student from Scotland. I first started feeling down when I was about 16. In the Scottish education system, this is when senior school (5th and 6th years of secondary school) starts and the jump from Standard grade exams to Higher/Advanced higher exams is considerable. I did well in my Standard grades and moved up to higher where I struggled and finished the term with very little qualifications. I returned for 6th year as staying on for senior school is optional in Scotland. This time round the blow to my self confidence from my poor performance the year before caused me to study fewer, less challenging (but less rewarding in terms of qualifications) subjects and by the end of this term, again, I was left with little in the way of qualifications and had to leave school with not a clue on what I would do with my life the following year. I begged the school to let me return for one extra year and promised that this would be the year that I turn my life around. They accepted and that school term (August 2011-May 2012) I would say was probably the happiest period of my life! A little extra information: The last few weeks of my 6th year, I was rejected by the first girl I ever attempted to ask out and over the summer holidays I gained motivation (and a lot of money from working!) to go back for my extra year at school and try with her again. (I gave up on trying to ask her during this extra year) I was also seeing a therapist throughout my 6th and extra year at school who diagnosed me with Social Anxiety and possible Asperger's syndrome. At first I didn't see why I was put on the Autism spectrum but recently, I have come to realise that I manifest many of the traits or behaviours of someone with Asperger's. After I left school for a second time, I applied for a college course (Scottish colleges are the equivalent to American prep colleges I think! :S) and was delighted when I received my exam results from the extra year at school. I quite enjoyed the summer holidays of 2012 and started my college course in August 2012. I almost didn't go to college due to my Social anxiety but looking back, I'm glad that I did as I made huge gains of confidence and have improved academically as well throughout the course. Since Christmas, the workload has increased dramatically at college and the pressure is really piling on. I have had numerous periods of time where I've felt down or thought about suicide since Iwas 16 as mentioned before but since Christmas I have been feeling lower and lower to the point that I'm at now where I'm having suicidal thoughts every day. My exams are in a week as of today and I have not started studying for them yet as I just don't feel like getting out of bed in the mornings to do anything, not just study. I am not even sure if I will turn up at college to sit the exams. I applied for a more advanced level of the course I am studying now but with my attitude towards the coming exams, I really doubt I will be accepted onto the course which puts me in the same situation I was in 2 years ago: What will I do now? Because of my Social Anxiety, I do not like to work with people other than a man I worked with 2 years ago who used to work with troubled children in schools. I think this is getting really long now so I will try to round off quickly! I have been reading some of the other entries on this forum and feel that I am just complaining as I have had a very stable life while many of the other members on this forum have been through much harder times than I have such as loss of loved ones or substance abuse while I simply feel down because I worry about my future. What is keeping me going at this moment in time is a girl I met at college. I don't know what came over me but I started talking to her over Facebook, and then at college. We both like each other (confirmed) and I plan to ask her out on Friday. I have never told anyone about any of this until now on here and do not want to tell the girl as it may upset her to know that I don't want to live anymore but at the same time it's frustrating as the at the saddest point in my life, I meet the girl of my dreams and although I want to be with her, I still do not see how simply dating a girl will secure my future so I still have these suicidal thoughts on a daily basis. I think that is all I will say for now as I don't like to open up my feelings to others hence why I have never done it up until now but I may talk more if I do not get out of this slump in my life in the near future. Many thanks for reading, Euan.