Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by thekindlove, Jun 1, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. thekindlove

    thekindlove Member

    i feel really sad and hopeless right now. i used to have dreams of belonging somewhere, anywhere....i have had three boys, one i placed for adoption when i was a teen and two that i lost custody of from post partum psychosis and alcohol abuse. i live alone, im estranged from my family. i recently had my tubes tied because the doctors told me anymore pregnancies the post partum depression will only get worse and i am almost thirty five anyways.

    i am running out reasons to keep going. i love my children with all my heart and they were my life force but now that they're gone i am drowning....the truth is i was drowning anyways...at least now they are in good places.

    i wanted to die since i was a child...severe abuse made me have my first attempt at twelve. i have been thru multiple rapes and traumas and beatings......i remember when i was a child i used to stare out my window wanting to play with other kids. .....but i had to stay in my room most of the time while my family was in other rooms pretending i didnt exist.

    all of my pregnancies i was abandoned....i dont think i've ever really been treated with much kindness in my life. i just want to belong somewhere, to be loved and treated kindly.....i apologize to god all the time because i feel like if i was only good enough....i would be loved.

    im so alone.

    i wish i was one of the 'special' ppl with families that love and care for them....families where they belong.

    sometimes i bargain with god that if he just has a small place for me to rest from the pain that it would be good enough for me. i worry i will be as rejected in heaven as i am on earth.

    all i ever wanted was to be loved and accepted.

    i feel like a stray animal who's lil ones have been 'adopted' out but as for me i'm to old and used and just no good.

    i dont know if im going to make it...please pray for me.

    thank you all.
  2. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member


    I am so sorry you feel so alone. I do understand. I was beaten and abused as a child. Then they would send me out to work outside jobs. Never dressed me right - tto much in the heat, and toolittle in the cold. When came home they took all the money I had made.

    I also feel lost and alone. But there is one difference. I feel that all of my pain and challenges are a gift from God. I do not profess to understand it all. But when I am able to accept each challenge, and be thankful for it - it seems to change and bring me Love.

    I do not pray , in my spiritual path. But I do send you Love and acceptance.

  3. thekindlove

    thekindlove Member

    thank you so much sad cat and im sorry for what you went thru....what a unique way to look at the past...im going to give it a try...thank you ..and much luv.
  4. paulhewson

    paulhewson Well-Known Member

    You won't be rejected here.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.