Discussion in 'Welcome' started by MrGrumpy, Oct 22, 2013.

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  1. MrGrumpy

    MrGrumpy Member

    Warmest of greetings to everybody. I've used forums for over a decade and always introduce myself in the introductions section as my first post but it seems strange somehow to introduce myself on a suicide forum, so I'll just get the obvious thing out of the way first - I found and joined this forum because I have suicidal thoughts. Have done since my late teens. Apart from an abusive stepfather who was around for 6 or 7 years (people have had way worse abuse than I had, but it was abuse nonetheless) I had a generally happy upbringing, a loving mother, I enjoyed school for the most part and suffered only the mildest of bullying (as I think everybody does, except the bullies). So far, so average, yet ever since my late-teens I've never been happy. There are times where, at best, I've felt content but mostly I've been unhappy. I'm naturally pessimistic and also very sensitive, meaning things that most people are able to brush off and forget about play on my mind over and over. I could go on and on about the things that make me wonder what reason I have for getting out of bed each morning but that's not the point of an introduction is it? :biggrin-new: I'll just round it all up by describing my feelings in a very general way - I feel like everybody except me knows some secret about life that makes them happier than I am capable of being, and nobody will tell me it. I don't let anybody see this side of me, I hide it and put on a show, pretend to be unconcerned, but these feelings are ever present.

    So this past weekend I was extremely depressed, perhaps more than I have ever been, except I can't really find a reason why I felt that way. I would have killed for a button to press that would immediately and painlessly make me cease to exist. I was in a bad way and I felt more alone than I ever knew it was possible to feel, but there are others who feel exactly the same way I do and even worse. That's why I'm here. I think perhaps it will do me good to be around people who feel the same way as I do. Perhaps I will experience some sort of epiphany, but my reasons for joining are not entirely selfish. Perhaps I can make some new friends or, however unlikely it might be, help others.

    Anyhow that's me and that's my introduction. :arms:
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    This is a good place to make friends to just chat and to release some of the sadness within Have you talk to your doc about how you feel if it is chemical base depression meds could be a way out of the darkness some Nice to meet you welcome to SF
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Welcome to SF - I am glad you found us. As you already noticed there are plenty of folks around here that understand that depression does not need a major source or reason to make it real. It is not anymore genuine for somebody with a long list of past woes and problems than somebody that has lived a charmed life and still find themselves depressed and unhappy with life. Please share your thoughts and talk about however you feel without worrying if you have a "good enough" reason - the reason is depression and that is all the reason there needs to be.
  4. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    Hello MrGrumpy. You are not alone. We are here. We can be your family :)
    Sorry about your abusive step dad and those bully jerks. I've never been bulied in all my life...I guess, so I don't know how that feels :/
    But, nonetheless, the feeling of depression we have is the same. We're in similar pain, that's why I can understand what you've been going through.

    There are no secret to be happy, really. All you ahve to do is fight and fighting, clinging to little hope you know as happiness. Keep fighting for that happiness, and someday you will have it. Life is about up and down, but it won't be low forever. At some point it will go up for sure. As long as you have a goal in life, and keep moving forward towards that goal, I'm sure you will find happiness someday. Maybe not now, not this year, not for next 5 years, but someday. It will happen for sure.
  5. Maedchen

    Maedchen Well-Known Member

    Hello MrGrumpy,

    may I say that I like your name as well as your introduction. You succeeded to make your sad experiences in life sound like an interesting story. I enjoyed reading it, I even smiled about your well-placed smileys. :)
    Yet I am sorry for your pain, and I wish you from all my heart that you find friends and brotherly love here.
    This forum has wonderful members.
    I am glad that you are one of them now.
    Love, Maedchen
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