Warmest of greetings to everybody. I've used forums for over a decade and always introduce myself in the introductions section as my first post but it seems strange somehow to introduce myself on a suicide forum, so I'll just get the obvious thing out of the way first - I found and joined this forum because I have suicidal thoughts. Have done since my late teens. Apart from an abusive stepfather who was around for 6 or 7 years (people have had way worse abuse than I had, but it was abuse nonetheless) I had a generally happy upbringing, a loving mother, I enjoyed school for the most part and suffered only the mildest of bullying (as I think everybody does, except the bullies). So far, so average, yet ever since my late-teens I've never been happy. There are times where, at best, I've felt content but mostly I've been unhappy. I'm naturally pessimistic and also very sensitive, meaning things that most people are able to brush off and forget about play on my mind over and over. I could go on and on about the things that make me wonder what reason I have for getting out of bed each morning but that's not the point of an introduction is it? :biggrin-new: I'll just round it all up by describing my feelings in a very general way - I feel like everybody except me knows some secret about life that makes them happier than I am capable of being, and nobody will tell me it. I don't let anybody see this side of me, I hide it and put on a show, pretend to be unconcerned, but these feelings are ever present.
So this past weekend I was extremely depressed, perhaps more than I have ever been, except I can't really find a reason why I felt that way. I would have killed for a button to press that would immediately and painlessly make me cease to exist. I was in a bad way and I felt more alone than I ever knew it was possible to feel, but there are others who feel exactly the same way I do and even worse. That's why I'm here. I think perhaps it will do me good to be around people who feel the same way as I do. Perhaps I will experience some sort of epiphany, but my reasons for joining are not entirely selfish. Perhaps I can make some new friends or, however unlikely it might be, help others.
Anyhow that's me and that's my introduction. :arms:
So this past weekend I was extremely depressed, perhaps more than I have ever been, except I can't really find a reason why I felt that way. I would have killed for a button to press that would immediately and painlessly make me cease to exist. I was in a bad way and I felt more alone than I ever knew it was possible to feel, but there are others who feel exactly the same way I do and even worse. That's why I'm here. I think perhaps it will do me good to be around people who feel the same way as I do. Perhaps I will experience some sort of epiphany, but my reasons for joining are not entirely selfish. Perhaps I can make some new friends or, however unlikely it might be, help others.
Anyhow that's me and that's my introduction. :arms: