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As my name probably says i cant stop crying, and um, im sorry im usually very gramatical and, spelling properly, another one of my problems, i m afraid of judgement from a bunch of strangers

umm, i know im being stupid, and, irrational, and i guess this shows just how dependant on her I am

ok, my story is, ive had a very depressing and repressed life, never gone to therapy, despite being suicidal, few years ago I was given a ray of light, my very supportive, loving, wonderful girlfriend - who is just my rock, and I tend to fall apart without her, shes been having her own problems lately and has disappeared for a few days, and, its asif ive already s tarted mourning her I always do this, feels like a knife in my heart, i have many apparent issues

it feels asif life is just torturing me and, im not a religious person so, no solice there, ive been told im a very 'whatif' person, and lately those whatif just, seem to have become the reality i believe

i just dont know, what i would do if something happened to her and, life was good before all the problems lately, it was finally good and, im afraid of death, i dont want to die, but i do

and, i feel asif i should be mourning, asif I should be sad and in pain, I feel guilty and bad bad if i watch a movie and laugh, or anything else

it just feels like a bad dream that I want to wake up from

please dont judge or belittle my problems, im a very sensitive person and i suffer from major anxiety

also, as odd as this must sound - if anyone is to pm me or try to contct me over some kindof instant messenger, let it only be males - as another one of my problems (which is why I generally avoid women), is that I seem to temporarily fall for women - a problem that stems back to my mother
and im just too fragile / boundaryles right now for that, im sorry

I definately would be interested in that though - some kindof im or something, i unfortunately have no one to talk to,

i feel like im overeacting, but i cant stop the feelings, i cant face the new week without her, she is everything I have rolled into one, my best friend, all other friends, my therapist, my life partner, soul mate - I guess, the idea of losing her - would be, the equiv to losing every friend you have, every / all family you have, because that would infact be the reality, i've put all of my eggs into one basket I guess


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this is my email if you want to chat.. mtc_srz@hotmail.com im in a similar situation as yours..

i don't have too much of an advice.. cause i don't know what to do either.. but-- i you want to talk.. im here.. and im a man.. :)


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It sounds to me like you might suffer from an anxiety disorder, this is very treatable with a number of different drugs, and also with quite a few anti depressants which could also help to raise your mood. If you haven't done so you shhould speak to a doctor about this, you probably don't need to go into a huge amount of detail if you don't want to, just the basics about how you feel. You might want to try something like citalopram, which is an SSRI good for both depression and anxiety.

You clearly need to try and make some more friends, so that you don't feel so completly dependant on one person, but I appreciate that seems very hard to you right now, I'm glad you've joined us however, You'll have no trouble finding friends here. If you want someone to talk to then, PM a site buddy, or just make a thread asking for one. :)

Take care, and welcome.
Still looking for further words of encouragement - I'm a little more so back to my usual self, I apologize for my poorly phrased post, I was in an awful place last night

I realise, my problems - whilst in comparison to *actually* losing a loved one must seem minimal, but, with my apparent extreme anxiety - to me, it does feel just as bad; almost worse in fact - for I, have no closure.

Perhaps my subject line didn't quite capture my mood, & desperation - as I said, I wasn't myself, and clearly wasn't thinking straight.

I'm currently a little more sane, hoping to stay that way.
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