Hi. I thought I would join the site as things haven't been going well in my life for a while but after reading some of the posts and threads I feel a bit of a fraud as my problems are small compared with the suffering and difficulties faced by others on here. Anyway if you don't mind just a bit of a background. I'm a late 40's male who lives alone, although I do have a partner, and I hate my job with a passion. The Groundhog Day episodes are becoming more prevalent as I get older and I am now at the stage of being too tired or not bothered in doing anything else whatsoever, that includes seeing friends, hobbies, any sort of going out at all. I have started disliking people in general and cannot stand all the ills that go on in this world and basically I really wonder what is the point of it all. Recently I started to get dark thoughts about if I actually want to be here anymore. I am fairly certain I won't act upon these thoughts but the fact that they have appeared in my mind is a concern and one I felt I had to share just to get it off my chest. I used to be fairly affluent due to inheriting some money so did a lot of voluntary work and worked at a few special educational needs schools as a supply assistant. I loved it helping kids less fortunate than most but as time went on the inheritance dwindled and the regular work was not there in that area. Therefore I had to get any job just to pay the bills. It wasn't a concern to start with as I applied for many a full time role at schools but unfortunately every application or interview I just cannot get my foot in the door and I am now two years down the line in this job I absolutely abhor with no immediate prospects of finding work in the area I enjoy and I have no idea as to why. I used to be active as well but now suffer with old football injuries that as I have got older are giving me pain and I am now unable to be as active as I was. The knock on affect to this is extra weight and the recent diagnosis of borderline type 2 diabetes. There I was one minute a reasonably healthy individual enjoying helping others and then I am suddenly hitting arthritis, diabetes and gawd knows what else and stuck in a job that I detest but have no choice because it as I say pays the bills. Therefore suddenly my confidence and belief is rock bottom and I dislike the person I have become. Sure there is an element of feeling sorry for myself which is a selfish trait when others are far worse off but 2 or 3 years ago I would have snapped out of it, and have been laughing and joking 10 minutes later. Now I find my mind-set doesn't think that way and I just don't really know how to get it back. Many apologies again because so many are far worse off than I but I cannot talk to anyone close so I felt I needed to put my thoughts down on paper. Maybe if I can be of help to anyone on here it will help me get some self worth back and at least it will make me feel like I am helping people again rather than working all the hours god sends just to make rich people even richer!!