Hello

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Chadley, Apr 2, 2015.

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  1. Chadley

    Chadley Member

    Hello everyone, I just wanted to introduce myself as a new member to these forums, My name is Chad, i am 27 years old, the reason I am here is because I am struggling with severe depression, I have been for quite a long time, but recently things have really felt like they have taken a slide into a place that I consider dangerous. I have had thoughts of suicide on and off for quite some time, atleast since i was in grade 8, I always got through those times either by immersing myself in online gaming, tv shows, and otherwise things that just numb my mind as to the sad reality of my life. Recently though gaming just doesnt seem to do it for me any more, I just get bored far too quickly, maybe I have just grown out of these games, but I just dont get the same enjoyment out of them that I used to, this has led to more time spent being bored, which has led to my depression running rampant. I am at an all time low as far as energy level goes, most days, the only reason I really even bother to get out of bed, is because I know that i would be on the receiving end of a yelling at by my parents, so I roll out of bed every day and spend most of my time in my room, aside from leaving it to do the odd chores around the house, some days I dont even bother to shower, as it just feels like too much effort. Recently my thoughts of suicide have become much more frequent, I think about it every day and have even taken some consideration as to how I would do it. I guess you could say that I am here as somewhat of a reach out for help from those who have felt/are feeling the way I feel right now, and hopefully some who have gotten better. Despite my suicidal thoughts, I know deep down that I dont want to die, but at this point in my life i feel like whatever awaits me in the great unknown cant possibly make me feel much worse, and possibly foolishly, I hold the hope that whatever awaits me just might lead me to a place where I feel like I belong. Thank you to all who have taken the time to read and/or reply to this in advance, I hope and look forward to getting to know this community in the following days/weeks/months/ and hopefully years.
     
  2. Chadley

    Chadley Member

    I wasnt sure if anyone had seen this, as i posted it late last night, so i figured i would post here to give it a bump, once again looking forward to getting to know you fine folks.
     
  3. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I can see it, welcome Chad, im in chat if you want to talk
     
  4. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    Welcome Chad. I'm so sorry to see you are in so much pain right now. It does sound like you're severely depressed - not wanting to get out of bed and take showers is a big clue, plus you've lost enjoyment in your usual activities, have no energy and are basically numbing your pain right now with passive activities. i could be describing myself right now although I don't have parents leaning on me. The point is: these are classic depression symptoms and you would feel much better if you were able to get some help from a therapist and or psychiatrist. I'm glad to hear you are not actively suicidal but this is is still a painful place to be and i hope you can find some relief soon.
     
  5. Chadley

    Chadley Member

    at this moment, getting help form a therapist or psychiatrist is not an option i currently have, not really going to get into specifics about it, but as far as my condition goes, I am pretty much completely on my own as far as getting better is concerned, and even if seeing a shrink was an option right now, I have seen one in the past, and I really dont open up about things, at that point in my life, lying and pretending everything was okay was much easier than actually facing the ugliness of what my life really had come to.
     
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Welcome aboard. It takes time for people to respond on this forum.
     
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