Discussion in 'Welcome' started by greg1966, May 11, 2015.

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  1. greg1966

    greg1966 New Member

    Greetings. Not sure if this site will help me, but at this point I am willing to give anything a try. I'm tired, depressed and my family (wife & kids) hate me, or at least thats what I feel. I would do anything for any of them. Have been married 25yrs, great career as a network engineer I have been at for same company for 19yrs. Daughter is in college, son junior in high school. I have always been the one to discipline and over the years I have become the evil one in the family, not by abuse, just setting rules and expecting them to be followed. My wife says the kids have to walk on egg shells around me. I am a master at putting on a happy face at work, like I am ok, but inside I am slowly dying. At night, I sit in basement and cry and then cry more when I think about how my family dislikes me. I do not have a support system here in my as in friends etc. People I know are just parents from kids sports teams or schools, not ones I am close with. Work people are just that, work colleagues, I do my work then come home. My parents are retired in a nice warm state and I certainly do not want to burden them and my brother and his family are out in San Diego, again, I do not want to bother him either.

    On the outside, I seem to have everything, but inside I am empty. When I go to sleep, I wish that I would have a heart attack in my sleep. I figure if I can pass away like that, then at least family can get my insurance benefits, I certainly feel I am worth more dead than alive. I have thought about just leaving my home and moving out, that way everyone here would be happy without me around. The thought of having my world ripped apart like that though makes me more depressed which is when I start thinking of suicide. I commute a lot for work and always wish a semi would take me out. I would never do anything to jeopardize anyone else, its just myself that i want to hurt. Im just tired, really tired. I have done the best I know how as a parent and husband but still feel the hate and being ignored by the ones I cherish most in my life.

    Anyways, my name is Greg, and I just wanted to say hi and hopefully I can get my mojo back but each day it just seems to get worse.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Greg sorry you are feeling so low hard to deal with depression on ones own though so i hope being here does help you
    Talk to your doctor ok it can be kept between two of you but get some help it does not mean you are weak it means you are strong to reach out for the care you need to be without the sadness
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Greg and welcome to the forum, I read your post carefully and couldn't help but think you sound like an amazing person. You CARE about your kids, that is why you have those rules in place. A lot of parents don't care but you do and in my books that makes you a superb parent. I can read between the lines, your loved ones means the word to you. I think you should work with the kids and explain why you need that discipline in place.

    As for not bothering your family in San Diego, I think even a call from them may make you feel a bit better. It is fantastic that you have a job that you love.

    Anyway, you seem like a great person to me, welcome to the forum!
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