Greetings. Not sure if this site will help me, but at this point I am willing to give anything a try. I'm tired, depressed and my family (wife & kids) hate me, or at least thats what I feel. I would do anything for any of them. Have been married 25yrs, great career as a network engineer I have been at for same company for 19yrs. Daughter is in college, son junior in high school. I have always been the one to discipline and over the years I have become the evil one in the family, not by abuse, just setting rules and expecting them to be followed. My wife says the kids have to walk on egg shells around me. I am a master at putting on a happy face at work, like I am ok, but inside I am slowly dying. At night, I sit in basement and cry and then cry more when I think about how my family dislikes me. I do not have a support system here in my as in friends etc. People I know are just parents from kids sports teams or schools, not ones I am close with. Work people are just that, work colleagues, I do my work then come home. My parents are retired in a nice warm state and I certainly do not want to burden them and my brother and his family are out in San Diego, again, I do not want to bother him either. On the outside, I seem to have everything, but inside I am empty. When I go to sleep, I wish that I would have a heart attack in my sleep. I figure if I can pass away like that, then at least family can get my insurance benefits, I certainly feel I am worth more dead than alive. I have thought about just leaving my home and moving out, that way everyone here would be happy without me around. The thought of having my world ripped apart like that though makes me more depressed which is when I start thinking of suicide. I commute a lot for work and always wish a semi would take me out. I would never do anything to jeopardize anyone else, its just myself that i want to hurt. Im just tired, really tired. I have done the best I know how as a parent and husband but still feel the hate and being ignored by the ones I cherish most in my life. Anyways, my name is Greg, and I just wanted to say hi and hopefully I can get my mojo back but each day it just seems to get worse.