Hello

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Benevolent1, May 22, 2015.

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  1. Benevolent1

    Benevolent1 Antiquities Friend

    I am giving this forum thing one last lame attempt. Last site I attempted to vent on/ asked for help, all they did was correct my grammar. I am a 31 year old disabled woman with PTSD and I've been battling my PTSD and depression since I was 7 and 10 years old (for the depression). I have an extensive laundry list of triggering events in my life and I am scared to discuss them openly for fear of upsetting someone. I've been to all the therapists, tried all the therapies, and been on all the meds....my Life just grinds the pillar of my strength and tenacity into a stub. I am a licensed, certified occupational therapy assistant...but again, can not work. I live with my sister, her husband and her two troubled teenagers...whom I love dearly with all my heart...and yet...the desire to commit suicide grows stronger. I recently discovered that My boyfriend, of over one year, (that's a world record for me, almost,) signed up of an adult hook up website back on 4/25 and I've been crushed. My last attempt in 2011 landed me in the medical hospital for 2 days until my organs started working again. This mental health worker told me then that "there isn't gonna be a next time." (That the next attempt will be my last...'cause I'll succeed.) I feel it's pointless to tell anyone how suicidal I am.
     
  2. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Hello Benevolent1. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find it to be a safe and helpful place to talk.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to SF. Don't worry, there are no grammar police here. You can talk to us here and open up to us and we will try and help as much as possible. Are there any anti depressant groups you have not tried? I just think giving it one last go my do you some good as it really can take years to find the suitable ones for you. I also have PTSD so I know where you're coming from on that. It's horrid. Keep talking to us here, you will be pleasantly surprised by how supportive this community is in my opinion.
     
  4. Benevolent1

    Benevolent1 Antiquities Friend

    Effexor ate holes in my stomach, Abilify made all my muscles hurt, Lamictil cause seizures, lexapro caused kidney stones, my Prozac is trashing my liver....I am very intolerant to chemicals. celexa made me hallucinate. I just got told I probably have fatty liver disease. I'm probably 240 pounds and only 5'5" and I can't lose any weight. My sister is inadvertently antagonizing me. Sigh....ugh
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am 247 lbs and 5''6 and am currently trying to lose weight, there's a thread for weight loss here http://www.suicideforum.com/threads/137790-Petal-s-weight-loss-2015-weekly-weigh-in/page8 but feel free to start your own if you want. Believe you can and you will. Join a diet class, exercise is great for the mind too. Sorry you have had such bad expoeriences with meds, how about therapy?
     
  6. Benevolent1

    Benevolent1 Antiquities Friend

    I have a social worker that does about 30 minutes of therapy with me and we did EMDR. Group therapy is triggering. Been hospitalized over 10 times, I've lost count. I don't want to go in the hospital where they tell me I'm fine. I'm sick of my feelings or worthlessness being reinforced by an uncaring world.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I care, I really do. I've love to try group therapy but can understand where you are coming from too. Maybe ask the social worker about other options available? Does seeing her/him help?
     
  8. Benevolent1

    Benevolent1 Antiquities Friend

    No, seeing her doesn't help enough. I have an appointment for June 3rd.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That is not too far away hun, explain to her what approach she's currently doing isn't helping and see what she can do :)
     
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