I am giving this forum thing one last lame attempt. Last site I attempted to vent on/ asked for help, all they did was correct my grammar. I am a 31 year old disabled woman with PTSD and I've been battling my PTSD and depression since I was 7 and 10 years old (for the depression). I have an extensive laundry list of triggering events in my life and I am scared to discuss them openly for fear of upsetting someone. I've been to all the therapists, tried all the therapies, and been on all the meds....my Life just grinds the pillar of my strength and tenacity into a stub. I am a licensed, certified occupational therapy assistant...but again, can not work. I live with my sister, her husband and her two troubled teenagers...whom I love dearly with all my heart...and yet...the desire to commit suicide grows stronger. I recently discovered that My boyfriend, of over one year, (that's a world record for me, almost,) signed up of an adult hook up website back on 4/25 and I've been crushed. My last attempt in 2011 landed me in the medical hospital for 2 days until my organs started working again. This mental health worker told me then that "there isn't gonna be a next time." (That the next attempt will be my last...'cause I'll succeed.) I feel it's pointless to tell anyone how suicidal I am.