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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by dodger1, May 31, 2015.

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  1. dodger1

    dodger1 New Member


    I am at a bit of a low point today and like many times before i keep thinking about ending it all. i tend to have moments where if there was an easy way to do it i think i would end it quickly, only thing saving me is that i am chicken shit sacred of messing it up and actually surviving.

    if i die i want to leave my life insurance to my kids so really can't afford to mess it up. but then there are moments like this when i don't want to do it as much. i just can't control times when for no reason i just have a rush and think of ending it. <mod edit- methods >

    my finances are messed up, i am messing up my marriage and my kids lives and i have no friends outside of my family to talk about anything.

    i just don't know what to do. when i am rational i don't wanna screw my kids up by doing this but there are times when that leaves me and i become desperate.

    haven't been to doctor yet wonder if medication is way of reducing that urge
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 3, 2015
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    depression takes all rational thoughts away so yes talk to your doctor ok get some therapy and some meds do whatever it takes to stay for you and your children no one can replace you not in your children s hearts or eyes
  3. Hi dodger1,
    I'm glad that you joined the site, because at least you can talk to people here about how you feel. It can be hard when you don't people that you can lean on for support when you feel completely shitty. Maybe seeing a doctor about different treatment options would be a good idea. I take medications that keep my mood pretty stable. I understand where you're coming from; I've made several attempts and I'll never forget how horrible I felt that brought me to that point. I didn't think that I could feel better, but now I do. I'm not saying that meds are some kind of magical cure all, but they really can help. I also go to a therapy group and am receiving individual psychotherapy. Sometimes it's a combination of different treatments that you have to try to find out what will work for you. I hope you are able to find the strength to keep on fighting.
  4. dodger1

    dodger1 New Member

    thanks for the welcome total and random. yes i will try and speak to my doctor. i don't understand how one day i can be under a big black cloud and feel so irrational and the next day i can type here and see things like the effect it would have on my children. its good to talk or even read other peoples stories as well
    just like you are saying when my big black cloud is there i feel that all my rationality goes out of the window and i am just reacting emotionally to everything.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF and good luck at the doctors, you're right it is great to talk and that's what we're here for, peer to peer support. Keep us updated on how things are going for you :hugs:
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