Hello

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by sick2deth, Jul 22, 2015.

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  1. sick2deth

    sick2deth Well-Known Member

    Hi, I'm really struggling and it's been like this for 34 years, I'm just coming to the conclusion that it makes no difference what I try or do. I just don't think I can cope with another 40 years of this. I need someone to talk to that might understand what I'm feeling. Theres, Rage, Disappointment, Plain despair of whats to come. My personal life is suffocating in fog and I'm totally lost and trapped in it. Something has to change before thoughts manifest themselves into something more destructive...I just feel like I want to cause the world pain.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi and welcome. Here if you feel like talking.
     
  3. sick2deth

    sick2deth Well-Known Member

    grrrrr nothings going right, I just wrote a reply and it disappeared.
     
  4. sick2deth

    sick2deth Well-Known Member

    Thank you! I have supportive parents, But they don't know what to do with me. I have two amazing friends and I love them dearly...I have a job and outwardly lead what seems to be a fairly interesting life. However...All through this I have been deeply upset and bitter towards life. I guess the pressure cooker lid is finally starting to explode. I've had a few brushes with the law and had to pay some significant fines because it just seems to overwhelm me. People think I'm a complete asshole and never stop to think what led to this, I'm constantly discarded and abandoned which further isolates me and just increases the anger I feel for people in general, I'm cynical and paranoid, Misanthropic at best. I know I have good qualities, They are there on my sleeve. I have constantly tried to do the right thing and put others before myself and still it's the same crap over and over. I don't lie to people, I would never cheat on anyone or steal from them. I guess this is my lot in life and I'm sick of it, When is it acceptable to admit defeat? Thats how I feel. Beaten and just tired of fighting and think to myself whats the point! I just can't see life being any different...ever. I can't deal with this throw away world we created anymore, I have to process everything through my inner monologue and I'm sat in silence sometimes and my head is just screaming. It aint right
     
  5. Inspire&Inquire

    Inspire&Inquire SF Supporter

    You mentioned you have good qualities, like honesty and putting others first. And I don't sense your cynicism and paranoia, you seem to write well. If you need someone to talk to, chat is most times occupied by someone you can talk to.
     
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Welcome aboard, just keep learning about yourself. that's what we all have to do is learn about ourselves the older we get, and I know negativity can creep on the best of us when we are alone especially. Maybe start looking on the other side of the fence if the grass is actually greener on your side instead of theirs.
     
  7. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I'm in pretty much the same boat. It doesn't matter what I do, I'll never be happy again. I feel trapped inside of my own mind.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF. feel free to pm me if you want to talk :hugs:
     
  9. sick2deth

    sick2deth Well-Known Member

    Thats what it feels like, Nothing I do makes a shit of difference.The more I open up the more I scare the crap out of people. Is it just me? Do people really want the life on offer by Disney? It's not real...none of it is.
     
  10. sick2deth

    sick2deth Well-Known Member

    Thanks Petal, It's just nice to be able to vent a little. I don't know anyone who feels like I do and I'm not sure thats entirely a good thing or not. Nobody gets me and if they claim to its for all the wrong reasons.
     
  11. sick2deth

    sick2deth Well-Known Member

    The grass is greener on my side of the fence because in my mind I'm living in the real world, A lot of issues arise when I step out into the masses which isn't often due to the fact I'm an absolute flake at dealing with more than two or three people at a time. I just have always been different, Always thought the opposite of most and never followed anyone or anything. I've tried living what constitutes a normal life here, Job, Marriage, Kids......All I got from this was a whole lot worse. My depression was manageable before I took a step outside. Now I just feel fucked, Tired and exhausted and like a total freak of nature. I'm just glad I found this site.
     
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