hello

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by dark_angel, Aug 11, 2015.

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  1. dark_angel

    dark_angel New Member

    I'm new here and I been really depressed I have nobody to turn too so I came here lately suicide been on my mind
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2015
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Hi, welcome to SF. I hope that being here will be helpful to you.
     
  3. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum. I'm always depressed and suicide is always on my mind.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Can you tell us what is making you depressed perhaps others here can help you if they know what is happening ONly if you are comfortable doing so though ok
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Feel free to unload your mind here on the forum, we understand :hug:
     
  6. SadSongs

    SadSongs Member

    Hello dark_angel. I am new here as well. I am hoping this place can help us both... well all of us here of course! I am bipolar and have had suicidal thoughts off and on for many years but fortunately I have finally found a counselor and medicine cocktail which seems to have silenced those feelings. Ironically, as I have slowly been feeling better my husband has been feeling worse. He is clinically depressed and does have a counselor and meds but lately hasn't been taking advantage of this "help" very much. His main complaint is that we are "in debt" and he "doesn't want to live this way anymore". We live in the country, where expenses are lower. We own our own little house, outright... no mortgage. We own our own cars. I do owe about $30K of credit card debt which is hard to pay down but it is slowly being paid down. But not fast enough for my husband who has started threatening suicide if I don't stop my "shopaholic behavior" To be honest, in the past when in dysphoric manic mode, I sometimes did spend more money than I could afford but this behavior stopped over a year ago. Some of the debt I have is old. Also, before applying for medicaid/SNAP I was shelling out $500/month for my own healthcare and hundreds of dollars per month for food. Since we were accepted into those programs, I have been able to increase the amount of money I am paying towards CCs but it is never enough for my husband to feel "comfortable". I am 64 years old and my bipolar disorder does not allow me to work "out in the world" any more. I applied for help from the gov't but was turned down. I make a little money on the internet and receive half of what my husband gets in Medicare (He is over 65; I am not and though I was able to work off and on in my life, I didn't earn enough to get my own Medicare. To make a long boring story even moreso, yesterday I saw a box with my name on it in his desk; when I looked inside I knew what it was... a "suicide package". I yelled his name all over the house and outside I found him lying on the ground doing what appeared to be trying to kill himself with a homemade suicide machine(PLEASE no one ask me to describe it) I pulled him away and he cursed me out for stopping him. I have no idea what to do about this. His self esteem seems to come from earning money and being solvent. He doesn't seem to care about anything else.... not me, extended family (we have no children), friends... you name it he doesn't think it's worth living for. We have been in worse situations and he never attempted suicide before. Part of me wonders if he is playing me to get total control over our situation. Another part is terrified that he is serious. After a long discussion yesterday, we came to an "agreement" that he will not attempt to kill himself again, WILL see his counselor at least once a month, go back on ALL his meds and focus on practical ways of getting out of debt, as I have been doing. And I am supposed to be debt-free by the end of the year or he will kill himself. I'm rereading this and thinking it reads as calm but inside my head I am screaming and outside I am crying. He is outside working on a "project" that he thinks might make some money. I hope he is right, I hope he is telling me and his counselor the truth. I don't know what else to do to help him. Any and all advice appreciated. Thank you for reading this.
     
  7. SadSongs

    SadSongs Member

    Hello dark_angel. I am new here as well. I am hoping this place can help us both... well all of us here of course! I am bipolar and have had suicidal thoughts off and on for many years but fortunately I have finally found a counselor and medicine cocktail which seems to have silenced those feelings. Ironically, as I have slowly been feeling better my husband has been feeling worse. He is clinically depressed and does have a counselor and meds but lately hasn't been taking advantage of this "help" very much. His main complaint is that we are "in debt" and he "doesn't want to live this way anymore". We live in the country, where expenses are lower. We own our own little house, outright... no mortgage. We own our own cars. I do owe about $30K of credit card debt which is hard to pay down but it is slowly being paid down. But not fast enough for my husband who has started threatening suicide if I don't stop my "shopaholic behavior" To be honest, in the past when in dysphoric manic mode, I sometimes did spend more money than I could afford but this behavior stopped over a year ago. Some of the debt I have is old. Also, before applying for medicaid/SNAP I was shelling out $500/month for my own healthcare and hundreds of dollars per month for food. Since we were accepted into those programs, I have been able to increase the amount of money I am paying towards CCs but it is never enough for my husband to feel "comfortable". I am 64 years old and my bipolar disorder does not allow me to work "out in the world" any more. I applied for help from the gov't but was turned down. I make a little money on the internet and receive half of what my husband gets in Medicare (He is over 65; I am not and though I was able to work off and on in my life, I didn't earn enough to get my own Medicare. To make a long boring story even moreso, yesterday I saw a box with my name on it in his desk; when I looked inside I knew what it was... a "suicide package". I yelled his name all over the house and outside I found him lying on the ground doing what appeared to be trying to kill himself with a homemade suicide machine(PLEASE no one ask me to describe it) I pulled him away and he cursed me out for stopping him. I have no idea what to do about this. His self esteem seems to come from earning money and being solvent. He doesn't seem to care about anything else.... not me, extended family (we have no children), friends... you name it he doesn't think it's worth living for. We have been in worse situations and he never attempted suicide before. Part of me wonders if he is playing me to get total control over our situation. Another part is terrified that he is serious. After a long discussion yesterday, we came to an "agreement" that he will not attempt to kill himself again, WILL see his counselor at least once a month, go back on ALL his meds and focus on practical ways of getting out of debt, as I have been doing. And I am supposed to be debt-free by the end of the year or he will kill himself. I'm rereading this and thinking it reads as calm but inside my head I am screaming and outside I am crying. He is outside working on a "project" that he thinks might make some money. I hope he is right, I hope he is telling me and his counselor the truth. I don't know what else to do to help him. Any and all advice appreciated. Thank you for reading this.
     
  8. Kathys50

    Kathys50 Member

    Hello, I'm at the point where I see no worth in waking up in the mornings. Sleeping takes away my troubles I don't want to wake up! I can't face my troubles anymore
     
  9. Kathys50

    Kathys50 Member

    I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm hopeless.
     
  10. Kathys50

    Kathys50 Member

    I am full of pain and fear. Have no where to turn.
     
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