Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Adjunct Soul, Nov 2, 2015.

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  1. Adjunct Soul

    Adjunct Soul Member

    Hello All. I am a nearly 40 year old male who just can't figure out this 'life' thing. I don't fit in. Have very few real friends. I am the king of self sabotage and am a drain on my wife and children. I see my worst traits in my kids and feel that I need to leave earth before I screw them up more than I already have. I can handle screwing up my own life, but screwing over others is not cool. So anyways, hi and all that.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I can assure you if you leave you wills screw up your children's life you will pass on to them the suicidal trait along with so much pain and guilt you cannot imagine it hurts ok to be left behind just so you k now
  3. Adjunct Soul

    Adjunct Soul Member

    Fair enough, but what about stepping aside gracefully (disappearing) and letting a better, more stable man fill in?
    I came for support and perhaps a kind word, not guilt and anger - I am very good at those on my own. While upon reflection, I understand that your intentions were good and the rational part of my mind understands why you wrote what you did, but as a response to a first post your thoughts were a little abrasive. However, I do sincerely thank you for your concern for my children though.They are the reason I am still here now.
  4. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I am sorry Adjunct, You are not alone, you are in good company well maybe not so good company depends on your point of view, I think I have done as good a job as you, probably better, because I have been around a lot longer,. to mess up a lot of things in my life!

    I have had the opportunity to influence the lives of 2 boys, they started out without parents, the both of them, I gave them a home, schooling, I think a good influence and an opportunity to better them selves, both were Doing ok last I knew, I am not trying to lay guilt on you, you are right, you and the rest of society will do that good bad or indifferent! most judgements come from people who have nothing to do with children so I discount their opinion from the first words out of their mouths! I in no way judge the words of anyone here at all, I know everyone here maybe not all well but enough to say, I would stand with them! I was a surrogate dad for two youths desperately seeking attention and Love and recognition that they were hurting, boy I will say I never met any harder judges then those two.

    Adjunct here we are pro-life no matter what we say or do, the choices you make are yours but there are choices other then what you in my eyes have set fourth!, you are afraid of screwing them up? I have seen some of the best intentioned dads with some of the worst screwed up kids, I have seen some of what in my opinion would not be dads that I would want but they had raised some of the best behaved smartest young men I ever had the pleasure of working with, I worked with lots, I am putting this out there for you! there are other choices then you have put forth. There is no second chance from that one! You said screwing up other lives is not Cool! I agree
    I think I have a good idea where you are coming from I have been there! I have been where you are right now! Please believe me you do not want to leave, this earth! Not the way you are indicating please choose another!

    Adjunct I am here to help you with issues an problems that you may have with the life you have! If you want to share some of what you consider problems in your heath, attitudes, behaviors, or any emotional issues you feel that you may or may not be suffering from I or possibly someone else can talk with you, we have people here that have suffered a vast range of health issues and problems, You can read some in the forums or talk with others here, we are here for you! We will not judge you, we are here to help and provide support and some comfort You are here, Welcome We regard you as part of our family here! we extend our hands to you!
  5. solarflare

    solarflare Well-Known Member

    From one 40 year old man to another welcome. You're not alone, I could almost relate to some of the stuff you said although our details differ the feelings are similar. If you ever need someone to chat to let me know.

    just one observation I want to make (in case we never get to chat)
    You said "what about stepping aside gracefully (disappearing) and letting a better, more stable man fill in? " I'm going to point out the obvious: it will not work out that way. You will do more harm than good (in fact I doubt any good will come of it).
    To illustrate: I've been divorced from my first wife for 7 years, my estranged son is also about 7 years old mind you, I'm still waiting for that "better husband, better father and role model" to come in. If a divorce can leave such a mess imagine what a suicide would do.

    Anyway, welcome, say hi if you see me in chat, look forward to chatting with you.
  6. Adjunct Soul

    Adjunct Soul Member

    Thank you. Sorry for coming off as a little shitty. I have never been a part of a group like this. Been a tough 15 years or so. Waking up every day is becoming a disappointment. I am generally not a sharer, but this seems like a safe enough place. I do want to feel better, but I just kind of suck. Hopefully offering and receiving help here and therapy will take this time. Plus, a lot of you are British it appears and I imagine your accents as I read your posts and it sounds really cool- such a sucker for that accent.
  7. solarflare

    solarflare Well-Known Member

    Sorry to dissapoint I'm from Australia :)
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  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey and welcome. I hope you find what you need here. I am sorry things seem so dark and bleak, I really hope that it improves, good luck.
  9. nothinman81

    nothinman81 Antiquities Friend

    I read through these posts always looking for something to grab on to. I'm always looking for people that have similar situations and circumstances.

    While I don't have kids, I share the feeling that in addition to failing in general, I've failed my wife and our marriage. I often think that her life would be so much easier without me.

    And while know I'm not offering any solutions, I am telling you, you're not alone.
    Sometimes I think as a group, 30's-40's males, we're a minority in the larger depression/anxiety/suicide group. Even when I was in group therapy, I felt like I was the only guy in there.

    So, just know, that we're here. I get where you're coming from. Hopefully we can get through this.
    2 people like this.
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