Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Koumy, Jun 22, 2016.

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  1. Koumy

    Koumy Member

    I am Koumy, 32 years old male from western Europe, new here but not unfamiliar with this type of community, going back and forth depending of the situation, so I am all the way down right now. English is not my first language so sorry if some sentences are not very clear.

    About me : I was depressed and had suicidal thoughts since age 4-5. During scholarship I was bullied by others until college, but also had very nice friends at the same time, which contributed to my emotional instability. At home I endured physical abuse until age 14, mostly for inappropriate behaviour or being subversive.

    College years have been probably the best part of my life. Had lots of friends but also lots of moments of "cringe". Probably I had to act myself as somebody funny. My grades were not terrible at this point, but passed the exams without difficulty.

    Then, at age 22, being unemployed and in despair, I've made my first real suicide attempt, but failed in the middle of the plan. Nobody has know it was an attempt on this day, and was in hospital for 3 weeks. I told my relatives years later and they acknowledged.
    Despite of my social anxiety I miraculously found a full-time job three years after the incident, have met some nice people there, until the economic crisis wiped a big part of the staff...

    Now: I'm in a point of stagnation. I lost all my friends, having a weak health, fat, no hobby, having no goals in life and alone. I am hating this world with passion and regret my golden years when I was smart, now I am drifting into retardation. In my mind I will be okay to die within 2 or 3 years, anyway my hygiene of life will permit it. With each passing day, I am more and more determined to end my life brutally.
    I believe this is too late now, I am broken beyond repair, better let it go.

    Thanks for reading.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forum, while you are still alive there is still hope. Please believe in yourself and have faith in yourself. I am GLAD your suicide attempt failed as I wouldn't have the pleasure of being able to talk to you now. You seem really smart so I hope you stick around and continue to seek support on this website! ((hugs)) to you!!
    sahel likes this.
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. What about creating some goals for yourself. Even small things so you have something to look forward to.
    sahel likes this.
  4. iServe

    iServe Member

    Good afternoon, keep serving others less fortunate then yourself, believe for the best, don't let hope get away from you. God bless and take care.
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