Hello...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Socially_Rejected, Jan 31, 2007.

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  1. Socially_Rejected

    Socially_Rejected New Member

    I've felt suicidal for around 5 years, however, it was just a few years ago that I tried it. I overdozed on paracetamal. Of course it didn't work - I ended up in hospital which I was angry about. When I was 13 I was referred to a psychologist and was there until I was 16. I felt alright for a while but last year my life was rather eventful and I found it all very stressful. I am now 17, I'm back in therapy, I've been diagnosed with depression and have been advised to take medication. I used to cry all the time but now I can only cry when I'm drunk. I've abused alcohol alot lately aswell as mild drugs. I smoke over 20 cigarettes a day and have done so since I was 12 - I don't do it to look cool - I do it because I feel better knowing I'm damaging myself inside. For the past month or so I have sat in my room in the dark when I've got home from school and just think ... and very occasionally drink until I feel sick. What is worrying me is that I have started taking a knife to my arms and I really enjoy it. Before the only form of physical self harm I've ever done was scratch myself until I was bleeding. I've also thought how would people feel if I were gone - I mean I have to wait until monday before I get to talk to my psychologist and I have no idea if I'm going to make it or not. I really don't know how to explain what I'm going through right now so apologies if this sounds like a lot of bullshit.
     
  2. *shifty eyes*

    *shifty eyes* Active Member

    You can make it. Stay strong hun. Stay strong. Instead of drawing blood maybe just make a swipe with a blunt pencil. It'll give the burning feeling without the blood and danger, Same satisfaction les health danger. Maybe you need a psychiatrist.
     
  3. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni

    Socially_Rejected,

    First I'd like to welcome you to the forum, you have come to a good place. Also what you said does not in any way sound like bullshit. Depression is an illness and learning to live with it takes time. Have you told your therapist about the alcohol and self harm? Those are coping skills right now for you and thats ok, its what you know, and in time through therapy and education you will learn new coping skills, healthier coping skills and you will be able to replace those negative ones. It sounds like your doing the best you can to get through this difficult time your having and its a good thing that your reaching out. Monday may seem like a long time from now and may be too long for you to waite, and if things get to be unbearable please dont hesitate to call a crisis support line, thats what they are thier for. You always have us to lean on and we are glad your here and will do everything we can to help support you through this. I too live with depression and I know how difficult it can be. Please know your not alone. I hope you can continue to share your feelings with us and we can help you get by until you can get in to talk to your doc...dont hesitate to PM me or any of the wonderfull people here at the site....take good care of yourself and take things one day at at a time....were always here if you need to talk.....-Jodi
     
  4. Socially_Rejected

    Socially_Rejected New Member

    Thanks.

    Yesterday I got rushed through to see my psyhcologist but I was also grateful that one of my teachers was willing to listen to me.

    I know this isn't going to go away for a while but all I'm scared of is how am I meant to get through it without doing anything stupid.
     
  5. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni

    Socially_Rejected,

    I would like to say Im very proud of you for going to see your doc and Im happy for you that one of your teachers were thier to listen to you. Being scared is ok, thats were your at for now and thats fine. Your gonna get through things one day at a time and if it feels as though its getting to be to much, reach out to someone, or reach out to us, were here for you. Dont feel you have to go it all alone, your not alone in this. It was real nice to see you have supports that are close to you, thats real important, Im real happy for you.....keep us up to date on how your doing......-Jodi
     
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