Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sidx, Aug 20, 2016.

  1. sidx

    sidx New Member

    Hi. My name is Alen and I'm a 24 year old male from Slovenia. I've been battling depression since I was a child, now that I'm older, I have basic understanding of my condition. Also, I'm pretty new at this, talking about my feelings, I never did it before. Since this is anonyomous I'm having an easyer time doing it, so here it goes...
    A few years ago I tried <Mod edit- Methods>. I was very determined and wanted to succeed. The feelings I felt are back and are worse than ever and I can't deal with it alone anymore. I don't really know how to talk about my feelings... I'm pretty much unable to. Nobody really knows how I feel since i never told anyone. I also have severe anxiety and it's getting worse, it's gotten to a point that I can't even go to the grocery store without feeling confident. I've been locked up in my room with almost zero light because I can't stand to look at my self... as a result of this, my skin looks very pale. I've been self-harming myself since i was 14 years old, primarily I've been cutting myself. Actually, I didn't cut myself for a long time now, until today. My right arm has over 100 scars on it, there are also burn marks. Depression has completly destroyed my life, it made me quit school, ruined any relationship i ever had, I have zero will to do anything but spend time in my room. I've been having suicidal toughts and I can't take it, I can't take it anymore, I need to talk to someone and I don't know how... There's so much stuff I need to tell, need to release and if I won't be able to, I don't see any other way. I can't take it anymore, I never felt so bad in my life. I need help and I don't know where to look for it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    The only thing i have to say about this is that your story is not new or uncommon - you are not the first or only to face this situation, and most importantly- while it is just a peer support forum you have finally started to try to talk and look at things / ways to change your situation. Getting actual professional help is the fastest/surest method of improving your situation , however keep in mind that something that develops over many years does not get better in a few days or from 6 weeks of meds. The more important part of the equation though is that IT CAN GET BETTER - much better if you give it a chance to and get the help you need. Some people have access to better healthcare/mental health care than others so I am not going to say it is equal for all, but any help is better than none and even just learning things here from others that have spent time coping with similar things can teach you coping strategies and ways to make incremental improvements. With each even small improvements things become more possible and you can start to see a better future. It is not easy, but it is worth it.

    I am glad you found us and that you posted. I hope you keep talking to us.

    Take Care and Be Safe
    - Ben
  3. sidx

    sidx New Member

    I just read the rules and i may have been overly-detailed.
  4. sidx

    sidx New Member

    Where I'm from, health care is free, but the problem is me... i don't know if I'm able to seek help... it's always been just me. It feels so hard to me. I have a few methods of coping, like playing open-world video games, pretending i'm somewhere else and someone else, walking around I tought i'd try the forums first and see how this goes.
  5. amalie

    amalie New Member

    Hi Alen
    depression is a curse, I have it myself. my parents forced me to get help so i'm on medication and it has helped but i'm still not well and does not seem to get any better. But i'm well enough to want to help and i'm ready to listen and talk if you want to
    (My name is Amalie and i'm from Denmark)
    Petal likes this.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Alen and welcome to the forum, I am glad you find it easier to talk here anonymously, well done for sharing what's going on for you, that's a great first step. I hope you can beat this depression, you mention the healthcare is free, does that include free therapy?

    Trust me when I say that staying locked up in your room will do you no favours. You are isolating yourself and you need something to get out there for, trust me I have been there in that situation and your bedroom becomes a prison, you deserve better than that. Go to your doctor the soonest you can and open up as much as you can even if it is only a little. I am sorry you are in this situation and here if you ever need to talk to someone. Please get well soon and mind your physical health as well as mental, you need your vitamin D :)
  7. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I spent 18 years alone, dealing with depression, anxiety, ptsd and borderline, really 100% alone. At the time I felt desperate, lonely and didn't know what to do. I can only speak from hindsight in saying that it takes time and talk to heal, sometimes it also takes medication (or alternative therapies). I chose to do it alone. It took a long time for me to feel better, but it did happen, and I'm not saying it'll take you 18 years like it did for me. I'm not a person who has friends, so I do a lot of my "talking" online. But I choose safe places. I have a blog that I've had since 2006. I write DAILY about anything I want. I let out all of my emotions, anger, sadness and lately happiness. I don't allow comments so there is no risk of trolls who will make fun of me or shame me. This is very therapeutic to me when I have nobody to talk to. Depression is not easy at all, and in my experience it is not curable, it is only managed. Sometimes it takes a long time to find what works.
  8. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum Alen. I agree with the others isolating is not a good idea. But professional help is. Keep talking.
  9. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. You among people who understand your pain and will help YOU.
    Frances M likes this.