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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by hope16, Sep 21, 2016.

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  1. hope16

    hope16 New Member

    Hello. I have just joined the forum. I am a female in my early 40s, live alone, and have suffered recurring depression throughout my adult life. I function most of the time, I get out of bed, I work, I make friends. This depression has hit me especially hard as my ex-boyfriend decided to find someone else and has disappeared from my life completely, after I supported him through the first year of his marriage separation. I have been single for most of my life, mainly because I never feel I am good enough for my partners and tend to sabotage relationships, which i did with him. But he bought some much needed love and security into my life, and now that he's gone, I feel a million times worse then I did before I met him just over a year ago. I also didn't get to have children, and feel extremely 'not my real self', and feel I have a bleak and lonely future ahead. I will not kill myself because I cannot hurt my elderly parents and my siblings. But at this point I do not really want to live anymore. Thank you for reading.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello there @hope16 and welcome to SF, I am glad you joined and opened up to us. I am so sorry for what you are going through, it must be incredibly hard. Have you thought about seeking therapy? Are you on medications? I think that would be the best start in your road to recover because believe it, you can recover :) Take good care of yourself and keep talking to us!
  3. hope16

    hope16 New Member

    Hi Petal. As mentioned in my original post, had Depression for most of my adult life. I will never go down the medication route again as had awful experiences with various anti-depressants, the last of which made me want <Mod Edit:Methods> As for Therapy, had some short term stuff in the past, but was never able to afford to do it privately. In the borough I live in, when I have gone to see my GP, they have said that they cannot offer Therapy or I can wait up to a year for NHS therapy, and suggested a I find low cost therapy. I know I need to have long term therapy, but I think the first step for me is getting out of the place that I have lived alone in for the last 10 years as it has many sad memories, and I am also currently being actively intimidated and harrassed with noise by my neigbours. Feeling depressed but also hopeless. I have carried a lot on my shoulders but I cannot and will no do it any more. I am trying to find some kind of spiritual haven away from this country where i can find some peace and get some support. Conventional methods have failed me, as has the society I live in, which feels increasingly alienating if you are a single person without a family.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2016
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  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi again,

    You have mentioned that they suggested low cost therapy, I recently was getting low cost therapy, it helped tons, have you looked into it?, you might find some good therapists on the internet for your area you live in. I am sorry you have had bad experiences with anti depressants.

    If you are being intimidated and harassed by neighbours you need to tell the police. They have no right to do that to you.

    Sorry for everything you are going through, brave to tell your story here and share with us. As for the house you live in with sad memories, can you move? Is that an option? I don't know if its through the council or not but I guess it is an option if through the council.

    Best of luck to you and keep sharing :)
  5. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Hi Hope 16,

    I'm in my late 40's and am managing depression and anxiety. Are you renting? I've lived with horrible neighbours too, and I don't even bother being patient anymore. I call the cops immediately if they do anything that breaks the law, and that includes making noise. Usually, sadly though, I end up moving to avoid being near people like that.

    I'm sorry about your relationship ending. Are you ready to start dating again? I was alone most of my life up until 3 years ago, it's hard to date at our ages, but there are lots of single men out there, you just have to go out and find them I think.

    I can't afford therapy myself, and honestly I just do self-therapy now, exercise and take natural supplements to help me manage things and 75% of the time it works. I think though that you need to deal with your living situation first so you can concentrate on yourself in peace. Bad neighbours suck, and they make life hell a lot of the time.
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  6. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum :)
  7. littlestarsmum

    littlestarsmum Well-Known Member

    Welcome to this forum! Hope you’ll find help and support here.

    I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. My heart just ached as I read your post, and wish I could give you a hug. I just said a prayer for you and I hope that God will provide the comfort and strength you need at this time. I’d also suggest you to consider counseling. A good counselor might be able to help you with your struggles. Sending hugs & prayers your way!
    Thauoy likes this.
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