Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Alzam, Apr 24, 2007.

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  1. Alzam

    Alzam New Member

    Hello all, I've been reading posts for a little while now, I have SF bookmarked, I DO need help, there is just so much, I read this forum with hopes of an answer or a reason, I know what a lot of my depression is, I just cant address it, my love and hope help and hurt the situations around me, I use my daughter (11) and son (6) as my lifeline but with every day the urge to end my life grows stronger and stronger, yes I can imagine the impact on them it would have, but lately all I'm thinking about is myself. I say to myself "how would this effect the life's of those around me?" but then in the same question I answer with what does it matter to you? you wont be around to see it or let it bother you... I don't know where to start, my life is in pieces. I have been diagnosed suicidal, there is a part of me that wants to live, but then I see these stories about people that "SNAP" I don't know what causes it or what their frame of mind is when they do and I'm VERY afraid of reaching that point. so I say hello to you all and hope I can find a way out of this darkness.
  2. Flight

    Flight Well-Known Member

    A "snap" could be anything from an emotional breakdown to a neurosis or worse. I've never had the latter happen to me, but I've broken down hard before. I can feel it coming a million miles off, even if I don't know exactly why it's happening.

    It's awful, but sometimes it actually helps if I can get alone enough from everything to really *really* vent it out. Like steam valve popping. No permanent solutions, but the pressure is off for a while.

    Maybe you shouldn't try to feel better - maybe you should try to really get upset with your shit and head it straight on. Get away from others if you can (ie vacation, even a weekend drive) if that's what you need to do, and try to figure yourself out. For this small time put yourself first, but make sure you come back. Scream, cry, run... go nuts. *shrugs* You are the best judge of whether that will help or not.

    Your kids love you and need you. I don't think anyone can replace a parent.

    Even if the rest of the world was bullshit, you and your children's love sounds like something worth holding onto.

    And you know what? From a certain perspective, everything else is bullshit. It's never easy though.
  3. Flight

    Flight Well-Known Member

    Sorry for the double post. I was thinking about this for a few hours today. I wanted to add something:

    If you want to find more life-lines, you might consider seeking out professional help from a psychiatrist. In my time in counselling, the main goal seemed to be to extend my network of life-lines. Since you feel you only have the one strong life-line I think this would be a definite avenue that you might want to explore if you feel you can.

    They might ask you about goals you've always wished to achieve, but never have. Or other family members you want to be close with but have drifted apart from due to time constraints. Then they should help you take small steps into achieving some of those things. Just to give you an idea.
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