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#1
I was looking up suicide on the internet and came across your forum. I'm a 59 year old man who lives on his own. I'm used to feeling isolated. Mostly I'm distracted and don't see the trouble I'm in. I drink to excess but that's another story. My feelings aren't caused by my alcohol consumption as I have long periods without touching it and don't feel any better. I'm just looking for some courage to kill myself, but I don't think I'll ever find it. I know exactly where I'd do it and how. It's just that there's always another day. I put everything off until later. I'm even failing at failing.
I don't fit among people; I never have. Every connection I've ever had with anybody has been instigated by someone else. I get on with a few people but I don't really have any real friends. I don't know if I'd want any; not at my age. I'm conscious that I'm seeing out the last days. Other people wouldn't help me as I'm too far gone for that.
The other day I saw a cockroach at work and stamped on it. I wish a big boot would come out of the sky and stamp on me. But I doubt that would do any good. Lately I've been thinking a lot about the horror of existence, how we're here at all sometimes shocks me - it often terrified me when I was young. It's a massive nightmare and somehow I think death won't end it. Once you're in, you're in.
Anyway, let's party.
 
#3
That's true may71, and I do find that I feel better around people, but also worse around people; it depends.
I'm trying to give up trying - just to drift and see what happens but it's not so easy.
 

Sad Elf

Well-Known Member
#4
Hi @taplow ,

Welcome to SF. I am sure you will enjoy hanging out here, I find it reassuring knowing there is somewhere I can go at the end of the day where people will understand. It's not the same as real life but it's definitely a help.I hope you some support and friendship here too.

E!f
 

JDot

1 Peter 5:7
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
Hey @taplow I'm glad you found SF. You'll find some great and understanding people here. I know what you mean about life being a nightmare. I feel that way a lot. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you, and we're glad to have you here. Feel free to join in the chat room anytime. I think SF will help you feel less isolated. It's been a life saver for me.
 
#6
Thanks for the welcome Sad Elf and jDot - nice picture by the way. I hope I can be of some use to others here. Sometimes I'm positive honestly. I haven't really looked around the site yet but will hopefully join in with you all.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#7
Hello and welcome. I think and hope that you will stick around and notice many of us here alike in many ways. I know that your introduction in many respects does describe me, later 50s, never part of anything. Things of that nature with lack of connection to others around me.
 

justrob

Keep on keeping on.
#9
I'm used to feeling isolated.
I had that feeling for a very long time, even when I was married. Now I enjoy being with myself.
I don't fit among people; I never have. Every connection I've ever had with anybody has been instigated by someone else.
Sounds like me. I feel at home here at SF, but otherwise I do not fit in anywhere. I accepted that and enjoy it now, no more longing to belong anywhere.
I'm trying to give up trying - just to drift and see what happens but it's not so easy.
Resisting can create suffering and trying can actually be a obstacle sometime. Letting go, resisting nothing, radical acceptance, trying to give up trying, whatever you call it, I hope you find it helpful.
I hope I can be of some use to others here. Sometimes I'm positive honestly. I haven't really looked around the site yet but will hopefully join in with you all.
I think you will be helpful. You are open, and you can understand how other people here are feeling. Many on here don't have that in real life.
Hello and welcome. I think and hope that you will stick around and notice many of us here alike in many ways. I know that your introduction in many respects does describe me, later 50s, never part of anything. Things of that nature with lack of connection to others around me.
Yes @KM76710 , a lot of what @taplow sounded familiar. I guess it is men of a certain age.

Welcome my friend.
 
#10
Hi @taplow welcome to the forums, we're glad to have you here. I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad at the moment. A lot of people here have felt the same feeling of isolation as you.

You'll always have a place to share here, and hopefully you'll be able to meet some people on the forum that makes you feel less alone.

Stay safe. Sending hugs *brohug.
 
#12
Thanks for you kind replies. I haven't done anything today - no work, no anything. I feel a bit better though. The idea of suicide seems so wrong. It's like it's not my right to kill myself. I feel I've got to see things out. Even so, I feel I have to sort things out. I don't know; I'm in a complicated situation. I just want space and time to get things clear. I don't even know what I'm talking about. Ridiculous.
 
#14
I can relate to the isolation feeling and the fact that I also feel a lot like my relationships seem to be maintained and started mostly by other people. Trying to be there for people when you feel like a fish out of water can be very stressing and even when you do I don't know if you feel the same but there's always this lingering feeling that I might not be doing it right because if I were maybe I'd feel a bit better.

It might not be optimal but maybe living a day at a time and putting things off is better than not finishing things at all?
I lack the courage of doing it too even though there isn't a single day that goes by that doesn't have me thinking how it'd be like to finally be free of all of this.

Stick around, there are lots of nice, understanding people here. Being able to talk about it free of the judgement is really soothing sometimes.
 
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