Hello all, I am a wife to a wonderful husband and (barely) a mother to two beautiful children who all deserve better than what I have done and am doing to them. My life was blessed and so full of potential until I made a life-altering decision last year that would lead me down the road to severe depression, a terrifying episode of paranoid schizophrenia, and horrible lasting consequences, physical, emotional, and financial, that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to overcome. I'm desperately seeking a sign, a word, any inspiration, to bring me back to life, but the reality of my situation always brings me back to a paralysis just short of death. "Please be with us." It breaks my heart when my husband says that. He doesn't understand that I want nothing more than to be with them like I used to and that there are moments when I ache to laugh and smile as before, but that I don't for fear of giving false hope. I literally wish for death almost every waking moment because I don't want my famliy to be suicide survivors. Thank you for being here. Please pray for me to find my way back.