Discussion in 'Welcome' started by TwentyTwelve, Sep 9, 2007.

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  1. TwentyTwelve

    TwentyTwelve Member

    Hi everyone. I've been lurking around the forums and visiting the chatroom for the past week, so I figured it was time to introduce myself.

    I'm Tara, 24, from Mississippi. Today is exactly two years since one of my best friends killed himself. I won't go into much detail about it, but the reasoning was partially because of some things I said. I have terrible guilt that eats at me day after day, and it doesn't seem to dull with time. I really screwed up and it's hard to live with.

    I was depressed way before then, but lately it has been different. Where before I was depressed, I was still social. I could still have a good time, you know. These days, I've very withdrawn. I don't care to make friends. I don't smile anymore. I thought going back to school would change things, but it just makes the problems more apparent. I have a meal plan, but have not been to the cafeteria once. If I'm not in class, I'm in my room. People try to talk to me, but I shut them out. I feel as though there's a wall around me and even if I did talk to them, they wouldn't be able to hear a word I say. Plus, the only friend I have around here is about to move to Puerto Rico. We've been friends for about 10 or 11 years. I guess I depend on him too much, but he IS the only person I have to hang out or chat with.

    I used to be suicidal, but after my friend killed himself, suicide left a bad taste in my mouth and I swore I would never be able to do that. Lately, I've been thinking about it again. I'm so tired of so many things.

    This is a time in my life where things seem to be looking up, but inside that couldn't be further from the truth.

    Anyway, that's where I'm at in a nutshell. It's nice to meet you all.

  2. MrBill

    MrBill Active Member

    :welcome: Welcome to the SF. Glad you joined us. I'm kind of new here too, and it's a great place to read about and share what we're going through and learn from what others are going through. :smile:
  3. goddamnmad

    goddamnmad Member

  4. TwentyTwelve

    TwentyTwelve Member

    Thank you. I read over your intro and wanted to say that the government and politics seriously depress me as well.

    Hi :wave:
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Hello and :welcome: to SF. I am glad you found us and decided to give us a chance. I know you will find the support you need here. Take care. :hug:
  6. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    :welcome: to sf here. i think you'll find the support you need here. i've lost a few friends to suicide and carry loads of guilt for especially two of them, so i can relate although i know in my head the guilt shouldn't be allowed. anyways, share as you need to we'll be here. please take care.
  7. TwentyTwelve

    TwentyTwelve Member

    Thank you :smile:

    Thanks. People always say you shouldn't feel guilty, etc. But it's hard not to.
  8. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

  9. TwentyTwelve

    TwentyTwelve Member

    Thank ye :smile:
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    welcome back to the forum hehe :)
  11. purplefizz

    purplefizz Senior Member

    Welcome to SF :smile: I hope you find support here.
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum :welcome:
  13. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome back :)
  14. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Welcome to SF TwentyTwelve

    It is how the inside feels that leads us here. I am glad you found us and I hope you find the support you need. It is nice to meet you too. I am just a pm away or anyone is for that matter if you ever need to talk. :smile:
  15. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    :) Welcome to SF! We're a good group and you will find support here from many.
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