Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by abhi_13, Sep 17, 2007.

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  1. abhi_13

    abhi_13 New Member

    i m new here..
    infact its the first time m ever posting in any forum. Honestly, I have been following this forum for some time now and hv been reading about many people and what they have to say. And I feel just so relaxed(sorry if that sounded bad) to read all u people's posts coz it helps me to relate.

    I m male,22(will b 23 by the end of the year), with no friends, zero social life, have never been in a relationship(which is actually hitting me the most) and damn confused about wt to do in life. Its been time now, like..more than 6 months that i have been having serious sucidial thoughts, so just thought of droppin in here for some genuine advice before doing the act. I own a small business enterprise as of now which i take care of. There are no financial hassles as such. But I am very lonely. It makes me cry,almost every night. I aint got any friends. And the fact that i have never had any girlfriend even till this point of my life while all the people i have known since school have shuffled their gals like their daily attire, has caught me in such an ugly downward spiral lately, from which i just dont seem to be coming out. And its now even been showing on the business that m running. I have in fact lost all my interests in what i am doing rt now and i juz keep thinking about how i can end it all.. Things have become worse..Mom keeps shouting at home.. My elder bro goes helpless in understanding me.. i am depressed i know.. I am left with simply no sense of self worth...

    Btw, i have always been a loner..My school life was bad. I was bullied in all my school years..Never had many friends..and have always been terribly shy with meeting new people..
    I just havnt been able to understand myself. I see people evrywhere who seem to b so happy. And that amplifies the pain....I just hate myself sooooo damn much...that i juz feel like closing the chapter...Its got 2 boring and painful..

    SOrry for makin it soo long...i never meant to do that..but i juz couldnt stop wen it came to venting it all out...:(
  2. Shyfear

    Shyfear Well-Known Member

    Hi Abhi_13,

    While reading your post I could relate a lot of what you said to my life as well. It seems so strange that some people seem to have everything, they can make friends so easily, they are always going in and out of a relationship while there are people like us wondering what is wrong with us. I don't have many friends anymore. I have one friend that I hang out with here at school, but she betrays me a lot and always hurts me, she is a lot of the reason that I think about suicide often.

    I am sorry to hear about your troubles. Making friends is a very hard thing to do. I'll be your friend. I know that we do not live near each other or anything. But you can talk to me about anything and I'll try to help.

    Have you really put yourself into the dating world? I realize that would be very hard, I dont have the courage to do it. But it could help.

    It sounds like highschool was such a hard time for you. It sounds awful :sad: but you do have to realize that it's over and you did overcome it. One of the hardest parts of your life is over, you were stronge enough to survive it. And now you seem to be on an alright road (despite some details). You have a business, that's great! Perhaps you have to get away from your family for a bit if they are causing you pain. I understand that may be scary because they are your social support, but they are a negative influence on your emotions (or so it seems). Have you gone to the doctor about this? Sometimes medication and counselling can help you.

    I love you. I hope you are okay.
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    i am white dove and i will be your friend if you want me???

    i can also give you a link to a dating site that is very safe and you can find someone compatiable with you.. it might be worth a shot to try it..

    i am only a pm away :hug:
  4. abhi_13

    abhi_13 New Member

    Thanx a ton for all that help..it felt gud..i hd been longing to hear such words frm people...
    I would luv to b ur friend shyfear..n thanx fr those kind words white dove..
    I honestly dunno wt i really want in life... i mean..i hv been an observer all my life..i dunno if anybody can relate to me...but i hv never been happy wid things...even if they were nt soo bad..its been this way since childhood//..
    As for the dating sites...i did try it...i even met some very good people..infact there was this gal who i guess, did fall for me..and i had to avoid receiving her calls for days to convey the message clearly that m nt intersted...i juz dint like her..she was nt like how i wanted her to b...
    but then there was this other gal, whom i started admiring immediately..but then when she asked me to plan a meet up..i was too afraid of meeting her...coz i feared she might nt like me....n now we rnt even talking...
    so now i have juz lost hope and i simply convinced my mind that i might never b in a meaningful relationship...
    frankly, its nt like..i m eager to have a physical relationship wid sumbudy soon...m nt even bothered by the fact that i hv neva been into 1... its juz that whole bad feeling of nt being genuinely loved by anybody...its bad..
    it simply takes out the whole drive of living in this world...my bro is very helpful..he gets me very lucrative business ideas..at which i hv been constantly disappointing him...it juz feels like..wt for shuld i work so hard...money cant buy me an inch of happiness...
    so thats 1 reason i hv got sooo careless about the finances...so mch so that i might b on the verge of winding up this whole business thing,..m lacking the motivation to work anymore....i juz feel so weak...
    And,no, i have never seen a doc, as in never for dis psychotic behaviour..

    i juz feel, wen i try to luk inside, that i hv got an intense fear of failure..that has built itself to great heights by now due to my past failures, personally and professionally( i tuk up to business coz i culdnt even decide which course i shuld opt for after dropping outta school)...its so much so that now i m even scared of moving ahead in life...lately, its also got so boring...i breakdown to tears wen i think of how dull and uneventful my life has been for all the teenage years..while none of the people i know personally hv hd it this way..
    sumtimes i regret i shuld hv joined a college...but i wish a lotta things..n nthin happens at all...experiencing nothing is worse than having bad experiences...else emptyness surrounds u inside n out..like its been wid me...:(

    i love u all people who might b in the same shoes...!!
  5. SpareTire

    SpareTire Well-Known Member

    Yea know It's very interesting and helpful to me to read what you guys have said here. See in school I was on the other side of the fence, I always had lots of friends and pushed the girls away, so much so I really broke a few hearts, the now that I'm a little older I feel soooo bad about and have sooo many regrets. Yet we all find ourselves here. Although most of my friends have died at a very young age for one reason or another. Or have moved away, so now I find myself alone. My Girlfriend of 11 yrs has again shown that she has issues with loyalty and I kicked her out for good this time. I'm not gonna vent on your thread but what I'm getting at is Just because some one seems happy does not mean they really are, They might be screaming for help on the inside. And I know it's seems tough to be solo for such a long time but being involved with a girl is a lot of work and it's tough. Trust me I don't wanna rub it in but I'm 32 and since I was 15 I Haven't been single for year (in total time solo) And every serious relationship has led to my heart being broke. So being solo has it's advantages you see. Having a girl you are devoted to, break your heart Sucks real bad and that is what brought me here. What I think you should try and do is have some meaningless flings for awhile. SO your heart doesn't get broke, and when the right girl come along you'll just know and so will she. Don't worry so much about what she may think it's a 50/50 chance. But your not looking for love, your looking for someone to give you an experience, and to work on your game. After all everything takes time and practice. If you know you don't really like her then great, you won't end up heartbroken, Your just learning. If she falls head over for you then so be it your game has worked but let her down easy, That is a must in my book now. Try letting them know your not looking for a wife, your just looking for a friend, and she's a new friend.
    As far as them sites I don't know about all that I'm skeptical, but when I'm ready I may try it. Who cares, Not me. And neither should you. OK I'm done I'll shut up.
  6. Shyfear

    Shyfear Well-Known Member

    I'm glad both of you found our words a bit helpful :smile:

    I can understand what you said about being an observer all your life, Abhi_13. I feel the same way. Kind of feels like your just part of the shadows, right? Perhaps there were many problems in your childhood that prevented you from being happy? I believe children dont have to realize exactly whats going on to know that somethings wrong. Maybe you were born with a chemical inbalance in your brain? That could be it, if you've always had the inbalance then you wouldn't know what it feels like to be happy. Well it makes sense to me anyway.
    As for the dating, you must realize that there are millions of girls out there, please dont critize that your lovelife will always be awful because of those two. It sounds like it's more of a self-esteem problem, would you say that too? Maybe you should start a bit slow. Build great relationships online, become close with a few people. They will build your self-esteem because they will love you, they will be your friends, you will be able to talk to them about anything. Then maybe take other steps, go out on a limb and try another dating site and physically meet the person. Don't think about it, just do it and if things dont work out I want you to know that it wasn't your fault, you two just didn't click, wasn't meant to be. People are different online than in person.

    Sparetire, I can imagine the pain of heartbreak must be crushing. Although it is a different kind of pain (usually depending on how the couple broke up). When you are in someone's shoes like mine or Abhi, you tend to feel unloved, not worth anyone's time, etc. These build up to "The world would be better without me, because no one cares." and triggers depression and suicide. I'm not saying that heartbreak doesn't generate those feelings, Many people are suicidal because of heartbreak. But it's usually more because they lost this person that they loved greatly, or because of what that person may have done to you. Needless to say that both feelings are awful, I wish I could take both of your pain away.

    I love you both.
  7. SpareTire

    SpareTire Well-Known Member

    Shyfear. Your right, about everything you said. My situation is more complacated then I posted. I didn't wanna get in detail on his thread, but just to let you's know, Not only 11 yrs of devotion, and the guy that moved in on my girl I thought was a friend, but two kids I have helped raise since they were 4 and 5. Yea her doing that to me crushes me, big time. But what hurts the most is the thought of the kids abanding me over it. I dident realize that till I went to talk to them about what was happening. But before I hijack his thread I'll end this. I'll take a deep breath and post my own and try to give you guy's the whole story. So you two look out for it, I wanna hear what you have to say. I would say I love you too but I'm kinda unsure what love is right now. I thought I knew, but I guess I don't.
  8. Shyfear

    Shyfear Well-Known Member


    I do not doubt that your situation is much more complicated. I also know that you are in a tremendous amount of pain at the moment. Just to be clear, I wasn't comparing the two pains in magnitude. I was just elaborating on my thoughts.

    It makes it much harder when children are involved. Regardless of their age they always seem to side with the mother, who will make the father figure seem as the devil.
    I would love to read your story. I will keep looking for it. I am here almost everyday.
    I am proud of you being so strong through this. I love you.
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