hey - i've just found this site which i feel is remarkable considering i have been typing the word suicide into google for awhile now. (i cannot tell if that is a pathetic first sentence so i am going to leave it how it is...). I'm here because although i have suffered depression for many years, i have never felt this low and suicidal before. My main problem is turning away from the black void that i have opened which has lead me to feel like getting 'better' would be meaningless. Although the depression has me pinned down so that no pain i inflict means anything, from what i have read both on here and from people in general i should give up thinking that help will come in the form of medical doctors. As someone wrote here, they care about making you stable...and i'm adding - but not making you whole. That is my problem, i am two people in one. I have no therapist nor has there been any allusion to there being one in the future as my pdoc has said that i do not have unusual thought patterns. I agree with this but at the same time do wonder why she has put me on anti-psycotics if that is so, and at the end of the day...i just need someone to listen. The after effects for me is the black all-consuming void. Sorry long post.