Hi there. I thought I'd introduce myself, though I feel like I'd rather just lurk. My life pretty much sunk back to the horror that it was before I moved out of my parents house, and this happened in a very short period of time. Basically I left the place I was living before since the landlord is very unpleasant to be around. I was doing a work trade instead of rent, and ever since I was robbed and severely beaten, I am not only currently unfit to do any kind of physical work(I can barely walk), I am unable to pay rent, since my money was stolen(I don't have a bank account. I sustained a blow to my lower back, which severely aggravates my lowest vertebrae column, which is deformed in a way that causes and back injury to be far worse than it otherwise would be. So all I can do with what is left of my money is buy drugs that do relieve the pain somewhat, but impair me in other ways. So now I'm back with my parents, who I can't stand to be around. My friends, I've found, are despicable people who are not worth hanging around. My father is an alcoholic who is on the verge of death, and seems to use every ounce of his remaining strength to torment my mother. My mother takes it and just hopes that he'll one day quickly die, which I doubt he will. My brother goes to college and is going to graduate soon. Whenever I happen to meet up with him, he offers condescending advice about what he thinks is best for me, when my parents finance his whole life -- tuition, food, rent, girlfriend money. He's never even had a job and he's 22. So now I'm back in Moraga, a pitiful suburb, the kind of place that makes suicide an option for those who love life. If you're like me, depressed and suicidal, it's only a matter of time. Many people kill themselves here. The friends-at-the-time all had family members who had either killed themselves, or made an attempt. I can't do anything physical, which is something I value dearly. My back is in pain and my sciatic nerve throbs with every heartbeat, like there's a knife splitting my leg in half. I try conventional medicine and all different kinds of exercise, but it does nothing. There's all kinds of "you shoulds" that go though my mind, but ultimately I just don't care. I used to be able to live very well on very little money, but now that my health is crushed, I can't do it anymore. I'm demoralized. I'm quickly losing the initiative to do anything. There's much more to this but I don't want to go into it now. All I can do is get stoned and sleep. That's all I can do when I'm not awake, doing nothing. Thanks for reading.