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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by semicolin, Feb 8, 2009.

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  1. semicolin

    semicolin New Member

    hey guys,

    my name's colin. i'm 21, and i've had depression for many years, but only since graduating high school has it gotten out of control. i spent a year studying science at MIT, but i hated it. then i spent a year studying piano with a teacher from juilliard, and i ended up realizing i just wanted to pursue piano on my own... so i went back to MIT and hated it even MORE. had to leave due to depression and consequently i am stuck at home in pennyslvania, where it is lonely and miserable and i have no social contacts or prospects (i sent out transfer applications so i'm hoping to get into a good school for this coming fall, if they can look past my illness). i'm a big music fan, and i love movies... anything to distract me from the pain that we call life. i've been in the midst of a serious depressive episode for months, and last night i got closer than ever before to killing myself -- was up for hours on the verge of going downstairs, turning on the car in the garage, and waiting for it to end. i have a journal that i post to regularly, but my friends there mostly don't understand what it's like to have depression rule so many aspects of one's life, so i found this place. i hope i will find some kindred spirits here. i hate to think that any of you are going through what i am -- and worse -- but at the same time, it's reassuring to know i'm not alone, that there are other people out there who understand what it's like to give up all hope, regardless of what may look to others like a bright future or a lot of potential. i have a hard time organizing my thoughts lately, so i'm sorry for sort of blathering here, but hopefully in the future i'll be able to make more sense or be a bit more coherent.

    thanks for reading, and i hope to get to know you all soon!

  2. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    welcome and i hope you find the support you are looking for here x
  3. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF, Cleversemicolin. :wink:
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    :welcome: to the forum colin
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF. I hope we are able to help you feel better. :hug:
  6. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    hi colin (love the screenname, very witty :wink: ) i think a thing you have to focus on, becuase its a possitive, is that you have a passion, you know you want it, and thats the piano. your goal may seem miles away, but its still there for you to persue.
    as for waiting for the replies, fall is not that far away, maybe try work some, save some money (if thats an issue for you) keep working on the piano, even if you dont have lessons, cant you still play?

    and yes movies and music and reading help me get through the painfulness (not a word but i'll use it) of everything.

    :hug: hope you enjoy your stay here, and i hope you get a new place in the fall
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to sf :arms:
  8. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Hi semicolin, welcome to SF!
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Colin,
    Welcome to the forum. I'm sure you will find alot of similarities to how you are feeling. There is a wide range of people here with similar problems. Take care!!~Joseph~
  10. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    Welcome to sf :hug:
  11. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    welcome to s.f. . . . i found a LOT of support here, i hope you will too.....

    it is a positive step to reach out. . .. here you will find complete acceptance and understanding..............
  12. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    i could've sworn i had posted to this!

    :welcome: to SF!
    i hope you find all the help here that you need :hug:
  13. porcelain child

    porcelain child Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF...

    I hope you settle in ok and get the support you need...

  14. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF Colin :hug:.

    Take care, Claire xx
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